When you are revisiting the yellow pages of your life...it usually means that you are missing the days gone by too much may be becuz of the mundane life of today or becuz you are hurt too much by your present and long for the days gone by...or it can mean that you had a ball of a time in your past and wish it never ended...or may be in some cases it just simply means that you are BORED....cuz you have absolutely nothing to do!!! :)
Well in my case it simply means i have loads of time on my hands and its been long long long since i have been this idle!! And thats exactly the reason why i do not know what to do with so much time on my hands! Last 2 yrs of my life i feel had given me so much to handle and be engaged with that i had no time to sit back and think of what was happening or what wasnt. Work life had been busy and if it wasnt then there was much happening on the personal front to keep me engaged, and if nothing was keeping me busy at work or personal life i had invented ways to keep myself fully utilized. I was myself doing things as an attempt to make myself a better person making the best of my time and energy. Last few days i had been revisiting my older blog and my older posts...or old mails...or old song playlists! And all of it has given me an insight on what i was in those days and what i am now! All of it reminds me how much i have learnt in the last few years and how much i have changed and grown or matured. I would not list out...not one of my past experiences as something to regret. I have had an amazing spectrum of events which have finally moulded me to what i am now. i am not boasting myself who has/knows everything in life but i know that sometime in my life there have been experiences that everyone doesnt have, and some which everyone has...and i have learnt and grown thru everything.
Reminiscent of the songs i grew up with!! Even now when they make a new album every other day...when a new artist or a new band emerges out of nowhere....nothing compares to the effect each song used to have when they really were songs! Most of the songs that i hear these days are rather abusive loads...about sex and drugs and about things i cannot feel or enjoy!! One of my friends at work once asked me why pretty keeps listening to all the mushy songs and keeps being in her own fairyland!! He suggested that i rather should listen to eminem, 50 Cents and some artists i cant even recall names of!! He said they make the real stuff...the mushy songs you listen to just make you long for a kind of love that doesnt even exist in the world anymore while these rap songs give the real picture of the love scene in the world right now!!! Jus rap your way and be happy...don think anything jus be happy!!! I was amazed that how come he was able to enjoy and love something that i cudnt even comprehend to being true! Was i really "OLD" for the real youngsters!!?? Why was i not able to forget enjoy even understand what one can enjoy in those stupid abusive loads!!
Today i was listening to all my fave songs from the past! Singers like Celine Dion, Richard Marx, Toni Braxton, Mariah Carey, Bryan Adams and some other old faves, they really made songs that could change your mood or your state of mind or actually give you relaxation. Gone are the days when music used to be a means to take your mind away from the present and make you time travel! It is not so that i dont like any of the songs of the present day but its difficult for me to "FEEL" any emotions listening to any of the songs these days. While i do like some songs by Rihanna, Lady GaGa, Eminem and others like Bad Romance, Rude Boy, Love the way you lie etc etc. but somehow these are the kind of songs that would not count on my list of all time faves. Its easy to listen enjoy and then forget these songs. While songs like Without you, Hero - Mariah Carey, In the Late of the night, Unbreak My heart, How could and Angel break my heart - Toni Braxton, Because you loved me, Its all coming back to me - Celine Dion, Everything i Do, Please forgive me, Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams, Until i find you again, Endless Summer Nights, Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx etc etc etc become something so special that you just cant write them off your minds and hearts. Even if the music industry is more advanced these days than ever and even if there are more platforms and chances for singers to come out and show off their talents...i must say...They dont make them this good anymore!
Was just wondering if anyone has seen this one :)
I happened to watch it last week and was amazed to see how India has advanced and to what extent things have gone in this "Cultured" country! I was never a supporter of things when some people used to say that India is a land of culture and we must protect it. I always felt that India is a land of Hypocrites where everyone does everything that they "claim" is taboo and accuse as being some rotten influence of the "West". Indians i always felt were the most non genuine people i have seen. I havent roamed the whole world but atleast among all the people that i have met and observed, i have found indians to be least genuine and most double faced! While in college i studied in a completely conservative college and people there used to really turn me mad! Everyone will talk as if they dont even talk to the opposite sex and consider such things as taboo!! For me friends were friends...it dint matter if it was a guy or a girl and if i ever were in a relationship i was not gonna lie about it! but after studying in a closed cultured place like that...even my basics were shaken! Those people will talk as if they are the purest breed of humans with no blemish in their characters and if a girl ever had a boyfrnd or vice versa it was considered a Huge Blot on his/her character!! I cant believe most of them who spoke big things about character and culture have had love marriages now! Thats what i hated in my class mates...none of them seemed like a genuine person who will talk and do the same things! And thats what i hate among indians as such...they talk something and do something completely opposite! If only whatever the indians do in private comes out in public some day i am sure even US of A will awe at what indians can do!! I am not a person who hates Indians...its just that i hate hypocrites and i hate people who cant talk what they really do!!
Anyways...so watching this season of Emotional Atyachar i was amazed but also happy at the same time cuz i felt atleast this will help some kind of hypocricy to go away. India has a long way to go if it has to ever become strong as US or UK but atleast there are some channels like Bindass which speak the real thing. Its kind of heart breaking to see that more than 95% of the cases in EA2 are cases where girls suspect their spouse/boy frnd/fiance' and hardly any cases of girls being untrue. But even more heart breaking is to see how detestable guys and their ways can be!! Atleast 99.9% of the cases where the girl has suspected her guy, he has failed. Sometimes it is easy to see that the girl is innocent and just a brainless beauty, but some other times it is hard to watch a 8-10 yr emotional relationship break. Sometimes it is even funny to watch the guy being axed to the nerve! As of now it is one of my faves on TV and i am enjoying it thoroughly! Atleast the poor girls who become so emotionally attached to their partners in a relationship that they are ready to give away everything for it...have a platform to authenticate their relationships. I know everyone agrees that TRUST is THE most important thing in a relationship and there should not be a space for any kind of breach or authentication! But c'mon the people in that relationship should also know how to keep up that Trust. Its not one person's responsibility to keep the trust on the other and also maintain that trust on him/her self. Until we come to a world where relationships become pure and amaranthine...lets just watch EA and spill out the beans of our thoughts :)
Its 9/11 and i cant stop myself from remembering the same day last year when i was able to witness the commemoration of the dreadful day 9 years ago which took the lives of so many innocent and highly skilled people. My office was located at the 14th floor of the 1st tower of the World Financial Center and the view of ground zero was absolutely clear from the window next to my cubicle. It was a busy rainy day in New York and my office had announced free breakfast and lunch to all employees as the traffic was going to be heavy owing to the visitors of the 9/11 site. I can clearly remember the large amount of people i spotted in and around my office building right from as early as 8:00 am in the morning. Usually while walking towards my office i would be crossing the World Trade Center Tower 7, the World Financial Center Tower 2 & 3 on one side and Ground Zero on the other and all these building being open to tourists, were always hustling with numerous photo enthusiasts with their SLRs or just people from other countries with maps of NYC in their hands and gaping with awe at Ground Zero and the posters bounding it. But on that particular day i couldnt escape noticing numerous numerous people not with SLRs and Maps but with flowers in their hands, with pictures of their loved ones who became ashes with the WTC, with rosary in their hands and never ending prayers on their lips, with eyes still searching for hidden embers or some signs of their loved ones...with may be never diminishing hope that one day some of their loved one will come alive from the ashes. It was a pathetic scene and i prayed that atleast some of those people's pains should get washed away with the rain in the hustle bustle of New York City that day. But i guess its not so easy that you pray and the next moment the pain ceases to exist...and i couldnt escape seeing how much pain and longing was present in the eyes and hearts of everyone present there. Even with the downpour refusing to halt for a single moment, not even a single person lost his patience but waited eagerly for his/her chance to get to the podium and offer their prayers for their departed ones...or may be touch the same place where their loved ones lost their lives. I cannot imagine what pain or loss they go thru each and every day of their lives...having lost a part of their lives to ashes, but seeing just their patience on a rainy day like that made me get a shiver within myself. It is very easy to sit on our confortable lazy boy recliners and watch news channel...but when we are in a place where the news is actually happening...its nothing less than experiencing a shock treatment in itself. 9/11 was a huge shock treatment for the whole world but it was more than just a shock for the ones who were affected...but even more than them the real victims are the ones who have been left behind...who have nothing else left but their ever searching eyes, their ever longing hearts and their ever hoping thoughts.
Do you remember what the fashion scene was when you had first started noticing the world around you? Could you imagine what was the "HEP" or the "IN" thing in the year when you were born? ok leave fashion...the kind of fashion freak that i am may be i cant think of little more practical things.. :) Lets talk about the school curriculum...can you imagine what the curriculum would have been when your parents were in school!!?? Ya many of us might be parents already...and lets compare what we learnt and what our children are learning today. what our children study at school these days is not even close to being similar to what we learnt!! Ok Lets think of something more popular...TV!? Do you remember the first tv serials that you saw as kids... which made you so glued to your tv screens that your mom had to scream to make you switch it off and finish your homeworks!? i still remember how i was so careful in finishing my homework just becuz i dint want to miss my fave tv serial..."Malgudi Days" or how i used to be glued to watching "Tenali Raman" or "The Jungle Book"...so many sweet thoughts come to my mind when i think of my first faves on TV. But when you just start even thinking about TV in these days...you dont know which channel to start with...there are so many channels and so many options. TV has changed from just a simple mode of entertainment to being a big part of our day to day life. If we actually think about some aspects in life...small things in life like brushing your teeth to the bigger things like taking an international holiday...almost everything has changed with time. Some things which we could not have imagined in the days that we were born are somethings which have become so very common these days. We have seen globalisation affect so many aspects of our lives that i doubt if there is anything which has remained the same since the time we were born. Can you think of one thing which has not changed since the time we remember? While watching GOD TV recently, i happened to watch an ad about the way ministry work has progressed since all these years. I couldnt help but gape in awe at how matchless HIS awesomeness is! He has been the same yesterday, today and will be forever. There is no change in the BIBLE, in the way the various pastors and reverends have been working on spreading HIS word and the GOSPEL remains the same yesterday today and forever. Its really awesome to know how things have changed in and around us in so many years but HIS word just remains the same. Being a Christian it gives me so much happiness to know that i have put my life and trust in an everlasting and living GOD who is the same yesterday today and will be forever and ever!!
Havent we always been taught that there are always only 2 solutions to any and every question in the world? One Right and the other Wrong!!?? Well that is how i have been judging every question in life till now! For me everything is either right or wrong, i have never been able to judge anything as anything in between the right or the wrong. Viewing everything as a simple play of black or white is what i have practiced...i have never been able to view world as a shade of grey. It is usually hard for me to think that there can be more to judging situations in life. If there was something that was not right...it was always wrong for me. Recently while taking one of the mandatory trainings for Accenture new joinees i learnt about the right vs right situation. The whole training talks about how diplomatic resources have to be to survive in the corporate world and one of the most important aspect which rules diplomacy is not judging every situation as having a right vs wrong solution. We are constantly learning something or the other in this world and being someone involved in the IT industry i guess we learn pretty more volume of things at a faster rate. When i was leaving HCL i thought i have had alot of experiences both inside India as well as outside India and was well versed to face the IT world. But i guess theres a vast ocean waiting to be conquered and thats so vast in myriad directions that its not easy to conquer it with just a 5 yr experience here...i am here for more time now and am just hoping that i learn enough to survive the right way. :)
Traversing in the grand ocean of IT, we often have to take decisions which might not be the ones which make us very comfortable, but we have feeble chances of escaping them. Going thru the exit process @ hcl i never really did realise that it will ever come true that i am out of HCL. Since the time i came back from US and had put my papers with this company, i just felt the whole exit process to be more of a struggle rather than an official process. First when i was still giving resigning HCL second thoughts owing to the L1 visa that i was holding, i did not get any positive response from the HCL team. When i asked them if they could provide me a transfer to Bangalore they said no there are no projects available and we cannot transfer you there without any projects. Then when i asked them if they could provide me some UK project as i was interested in Onsite and wanted to be in a UK based project as my husband keeps travelling to UK, they said no right now we dont have any openings! After trying almost everything possible on my hands i put down my papers. Even then when i wanted to exit sooner by buying out the notice period they simply denied saying its out of policies now. I wrote numerous mails to managers i did not even know, explaining my situation to them but they just never responded. Finally after the long 2 month wait of the notice period when i came back to Chennai for my final formalities, they wanted to retain me!!?? The HRs woke up from their deep sleep just then as if the numerous calls i had made through out my notice period were non existant. The exit HR asked me one day before my LWD (Last Working Day) what actually my problem was and what the HR team could do to retain me!! I explained them why i had insisted on a transfer to Bangalore so much and why i had asked for UK based projects etc etc. Finally the HR was not ready to sign the no dues, rather she told me to meet her the next day and she said she can definitely provide me something promising by the end of the day. She asked me to give her a call by evening. I was kind of happy but i had made up my mind on joining Accenture which had already offered me a better CTC package and a job in Bangalore. But still i was expectant of something good coming up. Next day (which was my LWD) the HR said that they have a long term role coming up for UK and they can definitely refer me for that given the good feedback i had from my previous managers. They also said that i would have to wait for abt a month for that oppurtunity to come my way! But by then my bitter end of endurance had already shown up and i just decided to get my No Dues signed and collect my Resignation Acceptance Letter that day.
I couldnt believe i was actually sad at leaving HCL. It was a simple organization with some really stringent and unproffessional people i have seen in my life. But somehow workwise i was never lagging when i was with HCL. I always had challenging work and best of all...it gave me my one year in NY which was the BEST part of my proffessional carreer. Even while waiting in the montieth Rd Office which was the same office where i had attended an induction 2.5 yrs back, i somehow felt the comfort level which i am not sure if i will ever feel in Accenture. I knew a lot of people in HCL and somehow i was quite popular as well and i liked that feeling of being Ms. Popular! I liked the simple work environment where all people were bothered about was work!! It was boring when i was working there as the glamour quotient of the work place was way below zero and there was all work and no fun! But somehow me and some like minded teammates had found ways to find our own fun and relaxation times even in that busy and demanding work schedules. I cant believe i am saying this but i really wish i can relive my times in HCL. I am definitely gonna miss this one!
Has anyone heard of or watched an old movie called "The American Ninja". While flipping channels recently on the tv i got hooked to watching this movie and couldnt help but laugh at myself for having watched this one!! It felt like i was watching an old rajnikant or danny denzongpa movie.. :)
May be this one would have been a hit when it was released but watching something so meagre from hollywood was not very convincing for me. Right from the plot of the movie to the very way the cast depicted the scenes, everything was like a hindi movie dubbed in english!! Theres not much to write about the movie as such...might have been a very old one!! Googling about the movie gave me the info that the movie was released way back in 1985, but is it really so earthly for a 1985 movie!? I still cant digest something of "THIS" level from Hollywood. Having spent a good one year in the US and watching some real spectacular stuff, i still cant believe that the movie was a Hollywood Hit ever!!
Richard Gere and Julia Roberts...i guess one of the on screen couples i have raved the most. They just seem to have such great chemistry that you dont feel its a fictional story you are watching on screen, rather they make it feel like a real one you are witnessing in front of you. I Love Julia Roberts for the way she flaunts her skills easily and naturally on screen...and Richard Gere is one of the few actors in hollywood whom i consider HOT. I love watching this couple on screen. Pretty Woman is one movie i have never been able to watch completely but always caught glimpses here and there. I was happy to watch it on Star yesternight but again unfortunately i watched only the last half of it. One sweet movie with a strange storyline but some sweet moments. I love the way Vivian (Julia) effortlessly puts her Knight fairytale in front of Edward (Richard) cuz while every girl has some or the other fairytale about her prince charming she just spends the most of her life trying to convince herself that fairytales never happen in real life. I feel this part as a sweet one where she snuggles herself upto a sleeping Edward and thinks deeply about how much she likes this guy she is cuddling upto and finally says I Love You. I like alot of scenes from the movie and especially like this one where Vivian is ready to leave him and carries all the dresses she had bought in the last couple of days and though she doesnt want to leave she just says give me my money i am leaving. The way Edward just throws the money on the bed and doesnt even look back at her and the way she walks out of the door. This scene is a typical example of how a woman and man in a relationship, even though they are fond of each other, are just not ready to give up their ego. This is exactly the same thing that sometimes intensifies and corrodes alot of relationships. The way Vivian just looks at the money and doesnt even think of picking it i feel shows the true nature of how much a woman wants to be felt wanted even when she knows she is wanted. I cant stop myself from humming Bryan Adam's few lines... When you love a Woman, you tell her that she is really wanted. When you love a woman you tell her that she is the one. Cuz she needs somebody to tell her taht its gonna last forever.
Pretty Woman is one sweet movie with some sweet moments and some really touching ones. I will always rave Richard and Julia on screen, they make an awesome pair.
20th day of June, 2005. One of the most memorable days of my Life!! This was the blessed day when i joined the IT industry through an elite company called Satyam Computer Services. Turning back the pages of the calender takes me back to that happy day when i was taking my first steps to enter a new world, the real practical world. It meant a change in my lifestyle, in my priorities, in my understanding of the issues in life and most importantly in my mindset.
As i flip through the yellow bruised pages of my memory book, i can just not neglect the fact how elated i was on that day! I was starting a new life, a new change in everything i guess. I can never forget how excited i was, it felt as if i could have challenged the whole world for anything. The whole 10 hour long induction at the CC (Convention Center) of STC (Satyam Technology Center) i guess gave me a new confidence in myself. Something i had almost lost staying in Sathyabama for 4 years i guess!! I was so proud of myself. Little did i know at that time what all challenges the IT life was gonna throw at me since that blessed day! the whole 90 day ELTP program at STC was like an extended picnic. Making new friends, learning new stuff, experiencing things in life which i hadnt in my college days cuz now i had the money to do it, I was on the road to becoming independent and more mature and i was really enjoying it. After the ELTP program got over, it was the usual race for getting into a good project for a good client etc etc. Though i managed to get a good project i was not very happy with going back to Chennai for the project. I was excited as i was gonna work for MARS chocolates!! My project days in MARS were again a joy ride of new things and new experiences. After working on VAX/VMS i was working on .NET for Pedigree. I dint mind whetever i was working on cuz i was absolutely enjoying being part of real projects and learning new things. The whole 2.8 yrs that i spent in Satyam was a memorable one and even on the last day when i was writing the goodbye mail i just couldnt call it a reality! I was sad at leaving Satyam but quite as much excited at my new experiences in my new company HCL. After joining HCL though i did not have any excitement left as there was no time for that!! I had a boring induction compared to the exciting one at Satyam. I was greeted by boring HRs compared to the smart and stylish ones at Satyam. I came to know some of the most stupid policies of HCL which were actually understood basics in Satyam!! Anyways i dont have much to complain about my work in HCL cuz i was never "FREE" in HCL. I had an amazing learning experience as much as technology is concerned cuz i was always learning something new! And most importantly HCL gave me my blessed 1 year at US, which i am really happy about!! I have put my papers with HCL and am waiting for them to approve the same so that i can join my new company which i am really excited about! The whole 2.3 years in HCL have taught me alot more about my work than what i learnt in Satyam and i am happy about it. I guess hcl has made me more experienced and mature both technology wise and also in a way to deal with people at professional front!
When i was graduating from my college as a Computer Science Engineer, i hated being called a software engineer, and i never imagined i would survive in this industry for anything more than a couple of years! I tried everything possible to come out of it. I wanted to write a GRE, i wrote GMAT and scored well enough to get admits from 3-4 good univs in the US, i wrote CAT and scored decent enough to secure interview calls from some decent enough colleges if not the IIMs...i posted my resume for non technical positions whenever possible...i just did everything possible in the last 5 years only to realise that whatever has to happen will happen no matter what you do or what you dont do!! When i think of my 5 years struggle thru IT industry, i cant say i am unhappy now...but i can definitely say that it has taught me grave realities of the REAL world which i doubt if i would have learnt being somewhere else. I can stil not say that i love my work, but right now i think i know my work! I dont know how work or life will be in my new company, but i am happy that i am atleast excited to face it. I have given half a decade of my life to this industry and gained thru it, and i am sure i am prepared to face it for a longer time now!!
I am a record holder of riding in the tallest and fastest Roller Coaster on Earth. Yess "Kingda Ka", a Steel roller coaster at the Six Flags adventure park in Jackson, NJ is the Tallest and fastest roller coaster known on earth with a height of 456 Feet and a 90 degree drop of 418 Feet at a speed of 128 mph!! The ride catapults you to a 456 Feet height by reaching a speed of 128 mph from 0 mph in just 3.5 seconds! When i first saw the green tower of the kingda Ka even before entering inside the park, i was so sure i will not be doing this one, but with the long long queue of people waiting to get a ride on this one made me jus too elated to miss this one. The park opens at 10:30 in the morning but i was so excited about the rides that me and my friend reached at 10:00 am itself. Couldnt wait to start our adventure at the Six Flags. We started with a mild ride to warm us up. The ride is called the "Parachute" and it was a mild one with a free fall kind of feeling from a height of about 25 storeys. Was overwhelmed a little to be on such a great height and nothing to hold on to cuz all other rides have a protection in front of you but the parachute just had a flat chair with a wooden plate to be fastened near the belly. Anyways the start was a good warm up to get me all excited for more rides. Next we ventured the "Superman: Ultimate Flight" which is one of a kind ride. It makes you lie face down and soar head first through a twisted steel track, diving into highly banked curves, spirals and jaw-dropping pretzel shaped inverted loops. It made us wait almost 30 mins to get into the ride but the ride was worth the wait. Next we headed to "The Great American Scream Machine" and as the name suggests all you do sitting on this one is scream. It though rated as one of the extreme rides in the park was one of the worst rides for me. It had some very fast and steep curves which are sure to give your neck a major pain or worse even a cramp. It looks impressive with an elevation of nearly 18 storeys, seven monstrous loops, one corkscrew and two boomerang loops. But ultimately after riding so many amazing rides in SF, Jackson, atleast i wouldnt rate it as a recommended one!! Next we headed for the Kingda Ka i guess...and the wait was worth every penny. Next we headed for the El Torro...the ultimate in wooden roller coasters i guess. When i saw this one i was kinda scared as it had steep drops and had nothing in the front to protect you...and this being a wooden ride i was not very sure if i really was ready for a risk like that!! I kept on asking my friend if they will stop it if i get a nervous breakdown in the middle of the ride... :) We waited to fill in the first row as it looked like a pretty thrilling ride..and must say hats off to the ride!! It was one heck of a ride...while the Kingda Ka gets over in like a fraction of a minute...this one is a long one with some really terrifying drops and twists! Another ride that i absolutely thoroughly enjoyed at SF. Next i guess we needed a break from all the screaming and were really on the lookout for some decent food! We grabbed some pizza, coke and fries...and were relaxing watching passers by...was fun! After all the hogging i was like so hungry for more rides but i guess no one else wanted to join me!! We still made it to the Bizzarro which was one of the most soothing rides of the day for me.. :) And then we headed to return as the wind was like really wild and it was too dusty at SF. There were pollens flying in every direction and there was an irritating kind of allergy on the wind i guess. On the way out, i tried my luck at almost all the toy games...none of which proved lucky for me...i just lost it like with a half a point difference!! Before coming out i tried the twister...which was again one more of an extreme ride...and again something that i enjoyed much! Grabbed some nice collectibles before getting out of the park. I was just happy thinking how much of a good day i have spent. And if this was not enough...we even stopped by at the Jackson outlets to shop for branded stuff.....i am a definite shopoholic!! I loved the SF experience so much...am sure am gonna miss all this once i am out of US. There were a few rides like the nitro and the Batman ride, which i missed and would love to have the SF experience with all the rides possible...it was damn damn good day!! Am so so gonna miss all this!!
Have you ever found yourself sitting helplessly tensed about some issue in Work place, Personal Life or in the life of a loved one? Guess thats something very common, all of us at some point in life do fall trap to some or the other kind of tensions or worries even if we employ fool proof methods to wade off the same. In those times you will always have conversations going on in your mind. Sometimes conscious, while some other times completely unconscious. Your mind tries to analyze the situation, and give answers to your doubts.
I have been pretty tensed and confused about things at office lately and i really dont know which way to proceed or even if i chose a way i dont know how to be sure why to chose that particular way! There literally are battles in the mind and they sometimes bring out different emotions on the outside. I ask myself a question and then satisfy myself with an answer. And then my mind analyses why i chose to answer it that way and tries to find out if theres a better way to answer the same. That inturn gives rise to another answer and again another question and its answer and so on. I did an interesting thing today since i was so tired of thinking and thinking. Instead of letting the conversations in my mind go on, i just jotted down the thoughts as and when they appeared (with whatever answers my mind was making out). I dont say doing so gave me some kind of solution to my confusions but atleast having written it down, gave a kind of clarity to my thoughts. Some strange kind of satisfaction of finding answers to questions that keep arising in mind whenever my mind is at a constant thought process.
Questions in life dont always find the correct answer, actually there is no correct answer to so many questions that our mind comes up with, but still we go on. Even if we make some wrong decisions life just goes on to complete its destined journey. Having conversations with ourselves is as inevitable as Life and Death, but how we deal with it is what makes the big difference. As long as our life exists, our mind tends to continue its work and as long as it does that the conversation in our minds will never cease to exist. Let our conversations with ourselves do something Good for us.
Each new day starts with new desires new dreams and new ambitions. May be it does for everyone or may be it doesnt.
Talking to a friend yesterday a very basic topic sparked the conversation. Everyone wants to be Happy! So very true, Everyone just wants to be HAPPY. Is that so difficult? Is that something so very complicated to attain? I feel its not difficult to achieve Happiness, its just difficult to keep oneself satiated with the feeling of happiness. If i think of my days in New York, I have been staying away from the love of my life for a year now. I dont have close friends here whom i can jus go to and pour out my worries or pains. I dont have family members who can take care of me if i fall sick or am in need of any help. My company doesnt pay me a fortune to lead a luxurious life here. I dont have the BEST working environments and am so surrounded by office politics that i feel vulnerable to breakdown and lose. I am not even so very accustomed to this country that i can jus go places on my own. My brother stays in the same country but i havent been able to visit his place more than once in the last 1 year!! Life in a nutshell hasnt given me the optimum environment to be happy and enjoy a good life here. But still, i cant think of a single day when i had been extremely unhappy or depressed being here! Its jus that one learns to make the best of what is given to him/her. And when you learn that, you spontaneously learn to ask for more from life as well. Once you start enjoying your present circumstances, you think of ways to make it the best possible, to fill it with all the BEST things that you can afford at that stage! It is easy to just always be unhappy and longing for something or the other. But at the same time it is just as easy, to be satiated with whatever we have and enjoy it to the fullest. In our pursuit for making our lives better, for achieving the maximum of everything, We forget to enjoy the BEST of the present. Many will say that if we dont make attempts to make our lives better, others will be ahead of us and we will be left behind. The competition will eat us and not let us be happy! May be thats true as well, as i see people these days their race for being better and ahead of others starts much earlier than even the minute the first ray from the Sun hits the ground. Life is no doubt about the survival of the fittest, but at the same time it is all about being happy and enjoying all that has been bestowed on us.
I once heard it somewhere that the easiest thing to do in life is "To give advice to others". I am no one to give advice to anyone but am hoping that the few who ever get to read my post might know that i went thru quite much of experiences in my life and have learnt some bit about it. Life aint so complicated as we make it or think about it. Life aint about winning everytime cuz everything has its time. Life aint about planning so much about the things which are beyond our control cuz everything falls in place when we let HIM lead it for us. Life is just about living every moment every breath that has been given to us. Life is a blessing and we just have to Live.
Am reading a rather unusual book these days. Its called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. I have just started reading it and as much as i have read, it depicts a custom common in China called Foot Binding. While reading itself i feel it sounds so brutal, that i cant imagine what pain is involved in each stage of the custom. Young girls at the age of six are forced to go thru a mandatory custom called foot binding which is a mandatory preparation for a girl to become perfect for her future husband and In-Law's family. It is painful and involves even breaking of the bones of the feet but is believed to give a girl the perfect small feet which is the most desirable trait for a girl to be married to a good family. Each of their foot is bent in such a manner that the toe touches the heel. After the foot is bent in such a painful position it is bound with tight bandages, and then some pointed shoes are forced into their feet in this awkward state and they are made to walk for some specific amount of time in those shoes. Some days into the process the bones in the toes start to break and blood oozes out of the broken areas! Picturing such a sight is beyond disgust. This procedure is believed to give women the perfect small and pointed feet which will raise their status in society and hence give them a good marriage from high society. I dont want to comment on the custom or the book right now but i was just thinking how lucky i am that i am not a chinese. I cannot imagine the pain that those girls will be going thru at such a tender age!
While reading all this i couldnt help but think why girls all over the world have to go thru something or the other to prepare for their future as wives? I was just thinking how scared i was when i was a small girl and i had to get my ears pierced! I couldnt help but smile when i thought about how much of a fuss i made over small things. I have always been scared of piercings...and i remember my parents struggling in those days to put earrings in my earlobes :) I still remember i was so scared that when the jeweller came the first time i cried and made a whole big scene, i was in my grandma's place then and the jeweller had a traditional equipment to do that! I cried so much that even the neighbours started asking what exactly was happening and why was i crying so much...and when they knew that it was just for piercing my ears...they all laughed at me and said you cant cry for such small things! But i was still small i was just 5 or 6 at that time and it was scary for me!! Back then i coudnt have imagined what pain a chinese girl would have gone thru at that age! Anyways finally i did not get my ears pierced that year and my parents used to buy the stick on or button earrings for me! Guess each culture has something to offer to girls as a preparation for their wedding! In india they say that the parents start preparing for a girl's marriage right from the day she is born! Thats a girl's life is it? The day she is born she starts her long journey of preparing herself for her wedding...making herself pleasing to others so that she should not suffer in her husband's family! I cant argue with why all these things happen only to a girl but i do sometiems muse about these customs and their origin.
How much ever you talk about the Women's liberation and equality for women etc etc...nothing changes at its Roots. I can still remember the days when i was just a small girl and my mom used to tell me to learn things cuz i was a girl. Its always so common to see indian mothers telling their daughters learn cooking, learn cleaning, learn to be patient learn to be tolerant etc etc. Ok if these are the qualities of a WIFE why cant the boys be taught everything from their childhood as well? Why dont they learn their responsibilities from their childhood? why is it so that the boys parents allow their boys to get as spoilt as possible and wait for their Daughter-in-Law to come. They expect the daughter-in-Law to come equipped with necessary qualities to correct their spoilt brat!? Why are the sons not taught the skills of treating a lady right, or caring for others or financial stability by saving for the future etc etc from their childhood, so that by the time they get married they are atleast ready to become true HUSBANDS? They being bachelors are allowed to do everything, go every place, eat and drink every spoilt thing but when a girl does the same things they say she wil not get a good groom if she continues to do that!! Why are their no rules or preparations for the groom but only for the bride?? I know many people will say that things like this dont happen in present days, and guys are better than what i am depicting above, but even i have crossed the stage where my parents were looking for alliances for me and i know how safe and pure a girl has to keep herself if she has to get married in a respectable manner to a good guy from a respectable family.
Anyways...reading about the unusual and painful tradition in China, i was just too stirred to remember my childhood days. I still remember how much of a doll i was to my dad, i was almost inseparable from him. To him i was the most precious thing he would thrive for in his life. I can imagine what he would have gone thru when he was giving my hands in another person's hand. All that he and my mom went thru in preparing me for this day was finally coming to happen. And i know soon i will be going thru the same circle of event that they went thru in their lives...thats the Circle of Life!
Strange but true...how many ever changes you challenge to impose on this one circle...the core of it remains same. Life is short and goes in a circle...we just keep shuffling ourselves from one circle to the other...while our life circle remains just the same!
Heard of the Cherry Blossom Festival in US of A??
For people staying in Washington or even any other state of the eastern part of US, its not a new thing. But for someone like me who is experiencing the first Spring in US, it definitely is a new thing and sounded quite attractive. Since i did not know what a Cherry Blossom festival was so i googled about it and got some information about it. Unfortunately by the time i came to know about it the big one in Washington DC was already over and being in the Eastern part of the country i just dint want to miss this festival. So i just googled to see if theres any such celebration in NY or not! Of course the biggest celebration happens in DC every year and was sad at not being able to witness that one!! Was able to find this Japanese version of the festival called Sakura Matsuri which is held in NY. It actually happens at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden in NY and when i saw the pictures i made up my mind that i had to just go for this one. The pics were really beautiful and dream like! Though not as good and lively as the one in DC but i thought this was atleast more feasible than going to DC!
This was my first ever trip to Brooklyn, and having heard so much about the gangs and mafias in brooklyn wasnt sure if i should go there alone at all!! Managed to malign a couple of friends to join me in my trip to BBG (Brooklyn Botanical Garden). The trip turned out to be amazingly amazing. I had never seen so much beauty around. Would have been better if it was a day with little less sun, but even the scorching sun did not stop me from enjoying the cherry blooms. The place was almost magical with almost all trees beautifully laden with white pink and red cherry blossoms. The whole place was blooming with the delicate fragrance of cherry blossoms as if i had landed on nature's own perfume factory. There were so many varieties of cherry blossoms and each had its own exotic fragrance. I had not seen any scene so beautiful in my life and i wanted to capture each and every flower in that garden. There were hues of pink from light to dark, and hues of white from whitest white to the most off white, the reds were dull in some flowers while bright in others, some flowers had only whites in them while others sat pretty as if airbrushed with pink and red and cream emulsions. The drooping branches of pink and white flowers touched the water in the japanese lake as if bestowing blessings on it. It was one of nature's most colourful and fragrant display i had ever witnessed. I just dint want to get out of that heaven ever!
As we progressed through the garden we realised that whatever we just witnessed was just the beginning of an even more beautiful and exotic journey through flowers. I further saw some hundred varieties of tulips, lilies, acacia, wild flowers to orchids to flowers whose beauty i cannot express in words. I had gone to the BBG after reading reviews on the net and seeing pictures having a mindset that i would take some nice pictures and be happy about it. But by the end of the day i had seen more flowers in that one day than i guess i had in my whole life till date. BBG is really beautiful and i would love to go there every season to see each and every flower festival that is hosted there. On my way back to my home in the evening, i could feel how happy my heart was feeling after having seen so much beauty in one day!
Does this happen to all?
May be it does and may be they know good ways of escaping out of IT. No matter how much ever dedicated you are to your work...getting trapped in some dirty politics from your client or parent company is inevitable. No matter how many levels you get promoted to...you still are so vulnerable to these dirty cobwebs...there is little you can do. As and when you gain experience in working with a client or technology, or with working with different kinds of managers you feel that you have enough experience to understand and handle all kinds of issues at work place...but unfortunately these dirty things never tend to cease. The managers always find issues which are beyond your imagination or control.
Almost everyone working in the IT industry will agree with me when i say that IT has its own set of dirty politics which will be difficult for many to comprehend. Just last week i was listening to a unique case from one of my friends. She is a manager and still she faces problems...if not from her higher authority but from people working under her. IT has its own set of shrewd rules and for dedicated and loyal people like you and me...its difficult and sometimes (actually most of the times) gets to your nerves! I was always aware of the difficulties of IT...and even if you could possibly earn a lot of money working in this industry...i just never wanted to be a part of it. I never pictured myself as a Software Engineer. i still remember the day when i had to go to the Satyam sholinganallur office for the first time...waiting at Madhya Kailash for a bus or share auto...i wasnt sure if this was the place i should be getting one...and i asked one of the guys standing there as i noticed him looking at me as i was asking each passing share auto if they go to sholinganallur...this guy approached me and was kind enough to tell me that i wont be getting sholinganallur autos here and i should wait at the crossing after tidel park...but this guy had guts enough to ask me which company i work for...i thought may be he is also from Satyam and i could get some info about some shuttle etc from Madhya Kailash...but that guy was from infy...and when i said Satyam he immediately asked...what do you work as...are you an HR!!?? After knowing that he was from Infy and not Satyam (and hence no scope of any help)...i really dint want to encourage any conversations with him...But left alone the conversation part... today when i think of that day all i can think of is: I wish i really was an HR...Life would have been much easier...if not easier...may be different...not that i am not happy with my work right now...but i just feel i am too vulnerable to nasty office politics...but then which department or branch doesnt have politics these days? Whether you become an HR or a manager or a CEO...you are vulnerable to politics of some kind or the other...of course the manner and extent of how it affects you will vary....but that doesnt mean it ceases to exist!
One of the things i very well can see coming is that i have to take a big decision for myself. When you see yourself trapped in useless and illogical issues which are not even distantly related to your work...you better start preparing yourself for a change. Since last few weeks the attitude and behaviour of my clients has been changing...it dint take too long for someone who was perfect in all her work to suddenly be challenged on technical issues! I was kinda startled when suddenly i was being accused unneccesarily for things which had nothing to do with me or my work! but it didnt take me long to understand that my time here should be getting over soon! Before they make me sink under the swamp of their dirty thoughts, its better i myself bid farewell to them. I hate this but i guess its not so difficult to master the IT world once you learn to understand and handle the inevitable scum. And still how much ever you learn to master this art...you still have lots left to explore and face!
Maundy Thursday, the day before the crucifixion day! If i were in India i would have gone for a Maundy Thursday church service, but here having a service for Good Friday itself is a big thing. Coudnt have asked for Maundy Thursday! Anyways, i was happy that my pastor had arranged to take us for a Passion Play at a nearby city.
The play called "Life of Jesus" is performed every year for 3 days during the Holy Week. For me, having something other than the usual routine will be considered special...so even if i did not know anything about this play i was still feeling excited to be able to witness it. I dint have much expectations with the play and was just going for it because i dint want to do the usual routine activities on a long weekend! Especially since i had fasted religiously the whole lent season!
We had a good drive to reach the place where the play was being performed. It was in a college called Felician College in Lodi, NJ. After struggling to find Parking when we finally got down from the car i was kind of not very happy to see that we has reached a complete 1 hour late for the show! The show started at 8:00 PM and we reached only at 9:00 PM. Anyways we had informed one of the volunteers to keep 5 seats reserved for us...as soon as we reached the hall...i was like almost taken away to another age with what i saw on the stage! It was beyond amazing! The background looked perfect, the sounds looked perfect, the characters looked so real, the lighting was so natural...everything was like a dream...a biblical dream!
Anyways i thoroughly enjoyed the play...was my first ever play in US and i must say i had not witnessed such a good one in my life yet! I had seen movies about the crucifixion and had seen plays in India but whatever i saw here really gave me goosebumps. It was i felt so close to reality. I was really feeling as if i am witnessing the night Jesus was betrayed. After witnessing something so great, i couldnt help but think how cruel that real night would have been. I couldnt help but feel guilty how painful my sinful afflictions would have been for Christ my saviour!
Hamlet...I guess one of the most famous works of Shakespeare.
And one of the most renowned Shakespeare quotes..."To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them."
I have not been a Shakespeare Literature fanatic ever in my life though i used to get impressed by their grandeur. Their uniqueness and richness of language and thoughts is no doubt praise worthy, but i personally never took interest in knowing them or reading them or even watching anything related to them. I have always loved works of literature and was always much inclined towards poetry, and quotes...being much of an impressive orator in my school days i always wanted to learn and recite poems. One of my faves in those days was The old priest Peter Gilligan by William Yeats, which i would have recited some million times i guess. Some other faves were Casabianca (The boy stood on the burning Deck...), The knight and the Lady, etc etc...Anyways, somehow Shakespeare and his "Period" works usually turned me off as something "Boring". Certainly if anyone is asked to quote a line of Shakespeare, then the one that will first come to anyone's mind will be Te be, or not to be...But since i never took in interest in Shakespeare i was kind of naive about this. I happened to tumble upon this quote on one of the displays in World Financial Center towers, here in New York. I remembered watching a bunch of college students rehearsing for some kind of play with a small banner stating "Hamlet: Rehearsals in Progress", may be about a month ago. I did happen to see the same group a couple of more times on my way out from office everyday. Having my office in the World Financial Center Towers definitely has given some major advantages like having free entry to some of the major events in Downtown NYC. The display at the WFC stated that they are screening Hamlet: The Prince of Denmark in the WFC Winter Garden Courtyards from 1st to 18th April.
Guess this time my love for literature has extended its boundaries cuz i was so impressed with the quote that i started searching the world wide web to know the origin of it. I never knew what Hamlet was or who wrote it or who it talks about! I have been reading all the banners and displays publicising the screening of the play at WFC...and i must admit i am so excited about it. I really dont want to miss this when its so much accessible to me. I would love to know the whole story or tragedy of Hamlet which has such inspiring and powerful lines! I know the best way to experience a story is to read it...and i have always believed that some movies/plays do not do justice to the depth of the story! Like A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks was the BEST book that i have read till now which moved me so much, but when i watched the movie...well i was not much moved nor even impressed! But may be i might never have the patience to read the Shakespearean english...and may be if i watch the play first i might start developing some interest in reading Shakespeare also. Actually i am so very impressed with all the lines that i have come across from Shakespeare on the internet, that i really wanna know the story! Must have been a real tragic one...but i wanna know what exactly Hamlet is that motivated/inspired Shakespeare to write such powerful lines! I am just hoping to catch atleast one of the shows within the next couple of weeks...else i have to hunt for a readable version of Hamlet (which i really am very much interested in reading now).
Would end the post with one more of my fave lines from Hamlet...something worth thinking...something thats definitely true! It goes like: There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
I have been asked to sing a song in the church for the Good Friday Service on 2nd of April. Now this being Good Friday I want to sing a song related to the occassion and not mererly another worship song.
One of my church members, who is organising things for the Good Friday Service, confirmed with me this sunday, whether i will definitely come for the service and will also sing the song as he doesnt have any backups! When he asked me to confirm i dint have to think twice about it cuz I was sure that i will do it, as singing to praise and worship GOD is something i had always enjoyed doing even when i was just a small kid. Anyways while i was trying to think of songs related to Good Friday just one song immediately struck my mind. It was almost spontaneous as i dint have to spend time thinking about it. The song was Kroosil Kandein... i guess its a very old song. I was happy to have remembered that song as it had been one of my fave songs for a long time now. I went home after the church service this sunday and started searching for the lyrics of the song on Google. I believed that i would definitely find either the lyrics on Google or the video on Youtube. But unfortunately even after about an hour of searching i did not have any luck in Google or Youtube. Next day i.e yesterday i took a break from my work at office and searched again on google with some newer options, but again i couldnt find anything. I called up my dad to ask if he remembers any song like that and he sang a completely different song than the one i remembered. I corrected him saying that was not the song i was remembering and sang few lines from what i remembered the song to be like. He did not recognise the song and said he will try to search. I was almost having second thoughts on if the song exists...cuz these days if you dont find something on google...there is much of a possibility that it doesnt exist! But i was damn sure of hearing it and even learning to play it on my guitar...Just then i remembered that i heard the song from one of my Dad's good friends and must be there in some old cassette from that person. Dad said he will try searching and if he gets he will send me the lyrics.
Anyways, while i was struggling to find the lyrics of this song, i couldnt help but remember where i first heard the song...the days when i was learning to play the Guitar (cuz that is when i had learnt this song). Guitar was my only passion in those days. I just wanted to be able to play the guitar the way i have liked the sound of it. Any song with a piece of Guitar tune in it would draw my immediate attention those days...actually, even now! I could recognise how connected i was with the Guitar and its mesmerising sound. And when i was thinking of all this i just couldnt stop myself from thinking about my Guitar teacher, Mareena Didi. She was one person whom i remember, i had admired since i was just a small kid. When i first started admiring her i guess i would have been studying in the 1st grade. She used to sing songs in our church in Bhilai on almost all occassions including Christmas, NewYear etc etc. She had an almost angelic voice and used to play the Guitar like a dream. Though she had a dark complexion i used to feel that she was very pretty. I was a small girl back then and still used to adore her like an icon. I used to admire her for everything, for the way she used to talk, the way she used to dress up, the way she used to tie her hair, the way she used to sing and most importantly for the way she used to play the Guitar. I even remember my Sunday School teacher once teasing me saying you will do everything that Mareena does! Mareena Didi was ofcourse one of the most stylish girls of our church in those days and me being a small girl always was inclined towards style. I used to tell my parents that when i grow up i want to be like Mareena Didi. Finally i was out of Sunday school and i joined the church youth group. Mareena Didi was definitely a very active member of the youth group then, and i was happy to know that now onwards i would be singing with the same group. It was nice to interact with her during those youth meetings etc. Those were some really good days of my life in the Bhilai Church. Going for carols, singing during Christmas services and above everything having song practice everyday in the month of december (and even November). That was the most fun part of it all. There used to be a song competition for all the churches in Bhilai and some neighbouring areas. The event used to be organized by BCC (Bhilai Christian Council) and it was the most extravagant event for christians in that area. All churches used to wait and prepare themselves throughout the year for this chromatic celebration. Some 20-30 churches used to participate in the event presenting songs(solo, duet, group etc), skits, nativity skits etc etc. The event usually used to start about 2-3 weeks before christmas and would last for a week. We used to have so much fun in that one week cuz we used to meet up Christians from the whole of Bhilai. Our church won prizes almost every year in almost all category of songs...solo ofcourse Mareena Didi would win, duet she and her sister would win and group song also we would always get some or the other prize. Those were really good days of our church youth group...mostly becuz of the interest the members used to show in those days and especially becuz of all the motivation of people like Mareena Didi and my Dad who used to lead the church youth activities in those days. Mareena Didi got married after a few years and the church was without a good guitarist (and actually missed a very good singer also). Anyways after that also we had carols and Christmas songs etc but gradually people stopped taking interest in these activities. We could say that the youth was not as lively as it used to be when the previous gang (Majority of which was married now) used to lead the youth group. It was in those days that i told my dad that i would like to learn playing the Guitar. He agreed immediately but also said its not easy to learn it. He himself plays the organ in my church till today but i just never got interested in playing or learning the organ. I just wanted to learn the playing the Guitar. He took me to Mareena Didi and asked her if she would be able to teach me, and she was happy to help. I used to go to her house twice a week for learning to play the Guitar. Her husband also was a guitarist and even he used to teach me sometimes. She now had two kids and both were so really cute. I used to feel really happy spending that small time there and learn what i always admired so much. Actually there was one more reason becuz of which i enjoyed my Guitar classes so much...in those days it was my only resort to be away from my studies for a while. I used to practice religiously whatever i learnt in the class but it was taking way too much time for me to play anything clearly.
I used to struggle playing the chords clearly cuz i would give up very soon...playing chords on the Guitar usually would make your fingers pain alot as you had to press the strings hard with your fingers. The more you played the more you got used to the pain and gradually the pain will not be there anymore and only the sweet melody will remain. In those days after about 6-7 months of regular classes i finally was able to tune the guitar myself, identify chords for a song and actually identify and play interesting leads.
After that however i moved to Chennai for pursuing my engineering degree and lost complete touch of the Guitar. I couldnt meet Mareena Didi also cuz i hardly used to be in Bhilai for more than a week or so. I met Mareena Didi after about 4-5 years on my Wedding Reception in Bhilai. I was so happy and surprised to see her, i even told her "Didi aap aaye tho acha laga...maine tho expect hi nahi kiya tha ki aap aa paoge" . I was surprised to see her kids who have grown so much now. But i was more surprised to know that they still do remember me!! her elder daughter, i remember, used to be very happy when i used to go for guitar classes cuz she could see her mom playing the guitar. Or may be it was the only time that didi will not bother her kids and will be concentrating on teaching me.
Anyways, coming back to my song for the Good Friday Service, now since i remembered that this song was taught to me by Mareena Didi i told my dad if its possible for him to ask her about it. I called up my dad yesterday night and told him to ask Mareena Didi instead of searching for some old cassette (which i had told him earlier). Today when i called my dad, he was at Mareena Didi's house and said didi wants to talk to you...she spoke to me and even sang part of the song for me to remind me of the tune. I was surprised that she actually remembered the whole song by memory and wrote it down for me. She spoke to me for just about 2-3 minutes but i felt so good. Even while talking to her i could remember the good old days...almost everything from my sunday school days to the church youth group days to the days when i was learning the Guitar, everything just flashed in front of me as a series of rolling stills. The way she spoke to me about her daughters and said that they still remember me as the didi who used to learn guitar from her, took me right to those nice days. And when she sang the song on the phone, it was so nice to hear her voice after so many days. It just reconstructed all the images from the days when i used to admire her for all that she was. I still admire her as a teacher...as an icon. My Guitar teacher.
