It looked like a quiet serene night in Chennai on the 2nd of June 2010 when my flight from Brussels was preparing to land at the Kamaraj Airport in Meenambakkam. I was sitting on a window seat and peeped out to see the land i had left about a year ago to go to a country that had attracted so many people from my motherland. I couldnt believe that i was sad, i was almost in tears! i couldnt believe that i was actually missing a country that never belonged to me! What so big had happened that i was not happy even to be back in my own homeland? Life in the US of A had been the BEST experience of my life till date. Be it in meeting people, meeting cultures, learning about different aspects of life, becoming more technically sound etc etc. I have had some of the bestest experiences of my life in that country and i just cant forget any single day that i spend in that blessed land. One year ago when i was leaving India i was sad thinking i am going to a new country where i dont know anyone and i am going to be so alone. But even though the first few months were really tough for me in that country, it still has taught me stuff that i bet i would never have been able to learn being in India. New York! New York i guess is the BEST place on earth. New Yorkers are believed to be arrogant city people but even then i couldnt stop myself from admiring them for all that they were. One year in that blessed country gave me a sense of kind of hatred for Indians for the kind of people they are and teh kind of mentality that they carry. I am not claiming it to be a very healthy attitude that i might have developed but still people in US are some of the best people i have seen in my life till now.
I did miss my family initially but this amazing country has the capacity to make you strong and independent no matter who you are or where you come from or what your state of mind is/was! I had written in my previous post also that life for me in US was not a piece of dessert, but the way this country moulded me into the kind of a strong person that i have become today, couches awe even in me. I learnt a very important lesson in my life, which i might have heard a million times before but never experienced personally. Nothing in this life is so BIG to matter more than YOU yourself! Ya if i was the romantic emotional and sentimental sweet little girl that i once used to be, i would have definitely said that when you are in Love, your love matters even more than yourself! But now today i can clearly say that nothing is so big or important that it has to matter more than yourself to you! Nothing or no one is so much important that you cant live without, time and life throw a mysterious play to make you live for yourself and only yourself. Once you discover this one truth you know you have learnt the true meaning of freedom of being free from all shackles. USA definitely is a free country, cuz it gave me a sense of freedom that i never experienced being in my own homeland. I started loving myself so much that nothing else mattered anymore! Sometimes i used to wonder have i become selfish, has my identity changed, have i lost what i had in me as a person!? May be i have, i still dont have answers to these questions but i know it was jus meant to be this way. I miss my other self sometimes, the naive girl i once used to be, but more than that, being back in India i miss my freedom.
India no doubt is my homeland my motherland, but somehow the dirty things in here have started showing up as something too prominent now. The dirty politics, the corruption at each and every step of life, the dirty minds of people, the dirty crimes, the people who cannot mind their own businesses but have to poke their noses into every other person's life, the stupid policies of the government which is just a play of politics where politicians play their games only for their own good and not one thing for the betterment of the public, etc etc etc. I tried but just couldnt find one reason to be happy to be back in my homeland, though i wanted to be.
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