Change!!

Change: One inevitable reality of Life and of everything surrounding Life. Still we refuse to accept it with ease.

Its just too difficult to comply with the reality even if i write a thesis about how real Change is! I know and i have written how change is one thing that never changes, but why is it sometimes so difficult to accept it? I know nothing is forever, everything good or bad has to change! It is just too difficult to endorse it with an embracing heart and mind!!

Total Surrender

In Brida i read a very interesting quote..."What is outside is harder to change than what is inside". When i read this quote while reading the book, i felt how true it is. How much we struggle if we have to change our appearances or the personalities which we are to the outside world! And today i read in my daily morning devotional something that says: "A Christian life is one which is totally surrendered to HIM". Now this feels as something that i have always been instructed to follow as a true Christian! Somethings which are easier to comprehend theoretically are usually very difficult to be accomplished in practical life! We easily and effortlessly believe on the ever guiding almighty and place each and every aspect of our lives in his presence. We all believe that finally things will work out fine cuz its HIS plan and nothing happens against HIS will. We give authority over our entire lives to the Almighty without having an iota of doubt in our minds. And when it comes to changing our lifestyles or changing our appearances, we grumble so much!

All i feel is that when the inside is already surrendered to the most powerful, HE will definitely make the outside also to change as per HIS will. We just gotto accept it and be happy with HIS guiding!

Although I may not understand

The path You’ve laid for me,

Complete surrender to Your will—

Lord, this my prayer shall be.

I Love NY!!

True to say that this city has LIFE in it!!
Yess New York is, i guess the BEST place i have seen on earth till now! This city has so much life in itself that it will urge you to be alive with itself and forget every care in the world. I always get a "Happy" feeling whenever i am in NY. The moment you enter this city you start feeling good, happy and excited. It carries a spirit along with it and i guess no one, who has been a part of this place, can deny that. I cant remember a single day when i landed in some street in midtown or downtown and didnt feel good or happy being there. Theres one more thing that i have noticed in my last one year of stay here, and that is the New Yorker attitude! Ya New Yorkers are believed to be arrogant and "Not so Warm" people in the whole of US, but i somehow never had a problem with that. I met sweet people and so did i meet a "I don give a Damn" attitude people, and trust me i have been able to learn from both. I can reflect that most of the days if i was feeling down or was sad and not in high spirits, this place still made me lift up my spirits and be not only normal but forget my pains! Whatever be the thoughts and worries in your mind, the moment you step into the city, you just forget every care and be one with the pace of the city. This city just never stops!! And that is what it teaches everyone here, just dont stop for anything in your life...Go on with it cuz life goes on...doesnt stop for anything or anyone! Might sound selfish to some people but for someone like me who has been very people oriented person in my life, it has taught to be strong no matter what ever mess your life might be in! It has taught me the "I dont give a Damn" attitude towards life, cuz i have learnt that whatever good or bad is destined to happen will happen no matter what, all i can do is do my part and jus leave the rest to the higher authority in Heaven. This city has always made me feel so complete, made me forget any deep mess that i might be in and be confident and completely prepared to face the day cuz life just doesnt stop for any mess. You dont care whatever is happening or is going to happen, you dont care what people are thinking, you dont care about any mess, all you know is that you have to do your part and that is it! Thats the New Yorker Attitude.

This city just makes me forget myself and walk confidently with the zillions in the crowd so i become one with the spirit of the city. I dont have any other words for this most amazing city in the world, which is so full of life that it will just never let your spirits die at all.

I love NY.

Foot Binding!

Am reading a rather unusual book these days. Its called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. I have just started reading it and as much as i have read, it depicts a custom common in China called Foot Binding. While reading itself i feel it sounds so brutal, that i cant imagine what pain is involved in each stage of the custom. Young girls at the age of six are forced to go thru a mandatory custom called foot binding which is a mandatory preparation for a girl to become perfect for her future husband and In-Law's family. It is painful and involves even breaking of the bones of the feet but is believed to give a girl the perfect small feet which is the most desirable trait for a girl to be married to a good family. Each of their foot is bent in such a manner that the toe touches the heel. After the foot is bent in such a painful position it is bound with tight bandages, and then some pointed shoes are forced into their feet in this awkward state and they are made to walk for some specific amount of time in those shoes. Some days into the process the bones in the toes start to break and blood oozes out of the broken areas! Picturing such a sight is beyond disgust. This procedure is believed to give women the perfect small and pointed feet which will raise their status in society and hence give them a good marriage from high society. I dont want to comment on the custom or the book right now but i was just thinking how lucky i am that i am not a chinese. I cannot imagine the pain that those girls will be going thru at such a tender age!

While reading all this i couldnt help but think why girls all over the world have to go thru something or the other to prepare for their future as wives? I was just thinking how scared i was when i was a small girl and i had to get my ears pierced! I couldnt help but smile when i thought about how much of a fuss i made over small things. I have always been scared of piercings...and i remember my parents struggling in those days to put earrings in my earlobes :) I still remember i was so scared that when the jeweller came the first time i cried and made a whole big scene, i was in my grandma's place then and the jeweller had a traditional equipment to do that! I cried so much that even the neighbours started asking what exactly was happening and why was i crying so much...and when they knew that it was just for piercing my ears...they all laughed at me and said you cant cry for such small things! But i was still small i was just 5 or 6 at that time and it was scary for me!! Back then i coudnt have imagined what pain a chinese girl would have gone thru at that age! Anyways finally i did not get my ears pierced that year and my parents used to buy the stick on or button earrings for me! Guess each culture has something to offer to girls as a preparation for their wedding! In india they say that the parents start preparing for a girl's marriage right from the day she is born! Thats a girl's life is it? The day she is born she starts her long journey of preparing herself for her wedding...making herself pleasing to others so that she should not suffer in her husband's family! I cant argue with why all these things happen only to a girl but i do sometiems muse about these customs and their origin.

How much ever you talk about the Women's liberation and equality for women etc etc...nothing changes at its Roots. I can still remember the days when i was just a small girl and my mom used to tell me to learn things cuz i was a girl. Its always so common to see indian mothers telling their daughters learn cooking, learn cleaning, learn to be patient learn to be tolerant etc etc. Ok if these are the qualities of a WIFE why cant the boys be taught everything from their childhood as well? Why dont they learn their responsibilities from their childhood? why is it so that the boys parents allow their boys to get as spoilt as possible and wait for their Daughter-in-Law to come. They expect the daughter-in-Law to come equipped with necessary qualities to correct their spoilt brat!? Why are the sons not taught the skills of treating a lady right, or caring for others or financial stability by saving for the future etc etc from their childhood, so that by the time they get married they are atleast ready to become true HUSBANDS? They being bachelors are allowed to do everything, go every place, eat and drink every spoilt thing but when a girl does the same things they say she wil not get a good groom if she continues to do that!! Why are their no rules or preparations for the groom but only for the bride?? I know many people will say that things like this dont happen in present days, and guys are better than what i am depicting above, but even i have crossed the stage where my parents were looking for alliances for me and i know how safe and pure a girl has to keep herself if she has to get married in a respectable manner to a good guy from a respectable family.

Anyways...reading about the unusual and painful tradition in China, i was just too stirred to remember my childhood days. I still remember how much of a doll i was to my dad, i was almost inseparable from him. To him i was the most precious thing he would thrive for in his life. I can imagine what he would have gone thru when he was giving my hands in another person's hand. All that he and my mom went thru in preparing me for this day was finally coming to happen. And i know soon i will be going thru the same circle of event that they went thru in their lives...thats the Circle of Life!

Strange but true...how many ever changes you challenge to impose on this one circle...the core of it remains same. Life is short and goes in a circle...we just keep shuffling ourselves from one circle to the other...while our life circle remains just the same!

Cherry Blossom!

Heard of the Cherry Blossom Festival in US of A??


For people staying in Washington or even any other state of the eastern part of US, its not a new thing. But for someone like me who is experiencing the first Spring in US, it definitely is a new thing and sounded quite attractive. Since i did not know what a Cherry Blossom festival was so i googled about it and got some information about it. Unfortunately by the time i came to know about it the big one in Washington DC was already over and being in the Eastern part of the country i just dint want to miss this festival. So i just googled to see if theres any such celebration in NY or not! Of course the biggest celebration happens in DC every year and was sad at not being able to witness that one!! Was able to find this Japanese version of the festival called Sakura Matsuri which is held in NY. It actually happens at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden in NY and when i saw the pictures i made up my mind that i had to just go for this one. The pics were really beautiful and dream like! Though not as good and lively as the one in DC but i thought this was atleast more feasible than going to DC!



This was my first ever trip to Brooklyn, and having heard so much about the gangs and mafias in brooklyn wasnt sure if i should go there alone at all!! Managed to malign a couple of friends to join me in my trip to BBG (Brooklyn Botanical Garden). The trip turned out to be amazingly amazing. I had never seen so much beauty around. Would have been better if it was a day with little less sun, but even the scorching sun did not stop me from enjoying the cherry blooms. The place was almost magical with almost all trees beautifully laden with white pink and red cherry blossoms. The whole place was blooming with the delicate fragrance of cherry blossoms as if i had landed on nature's own perfume factory. There were so many varieties of cherry blossoms and each had its own exotic fragrance. I had not seen any scene so beautiful in my life and i wanted to capture each and every flower in that garden. There were hues of pink from light to dark, and hues of white from whitest white to the most off white, the reds were dull in some flowers while bright in others, some flowers had only whites in them while others sat pretty as if airbrushed with pink and red and cream emulsions. The drooping branches of pink and white flowers touched the water in the japanese lake as if bestowing blessings on it. It was one of nature's most colourful and fragrant display i had ever witnessed. I just dint want to get out of that heaven ever!

As we progressed through the garden we realised that whatever we just witnessed was just the beginning of an even more beautiful and exotic journey through flowers. I further saw some hundred varieties of tulips, lilies, acacia, wild flowers to orchids to flowers whose beauty i cannot express in words. I had gone to the BBG after reading reviews on the net and seeing pictures having a mindset that i would take some nice pictures and be happy about it. But by the end of the day i had seen more flowers in that one day than i guess i had in my whole life till date. BBG is really beautiful and i would love to go there every season to see each and every flower festival that is hosted there. On my way back to my home in the evening, i could feel how happy my heart was feeling after having seen so much beauty in one day!

Man the Island!

Thinking of my life here in US i sometimes find myself wondering that i have become a completely new person now. I am not the same old Pretty who left India an year ago to add weightage to her resume by gaining work experience outside India. I still remember i used to be alone in India also, i used to go places alone even then but i was not so much of an independent individual as i am now i think. I always needed someone with me atleast to support me emotionally to listen to me whom i could call friend. Life in US is so much different than in India. Though the work hours are lesser here and i dont have to slog till late in the night at office, but still time is just not enough to do everything. Even friendship here is different, is difficult to find someone who would love you for what you are and be your shoulder to lean upon. I guess here the mantra that rules the people's lives is that Dont do anything without being paid for. May be if i attended some university here things would have been different, but finding some good friend at work place is kind of very difficult here. No one does favours on anyone without any reason. These kind of things are good in one way because you learn to grow healthy and limited relationships and in turn grow more self dependant. But in another way it kind of promotes distance in relationships. I've always experienced that some amount of distance should always be maintained in all relationships including friendship to make it healthy and breathable. But when the distance increases it makes the bond of the relationship weaker. There has to be some bond in every relationship that holds it together well. Relationships in US are so different atleast to the extent that i have seen they are much different in India. Here you cant go and expect someone to do things for you unconditionally unless they are your immediate relatives. I guess sometimes even blood related people dont do stuff for their relatives unless they gain something out of it. I know i cannot generalise things or relationships like this but just wondering how much change has infused inside of me without my knowledge.

I love my life here, i am so self dependent that i do not think i lack anything in life even when i have been staying away from family for months now, i have my own "Keep myself Busy" activities, i have my own hobbies some new ones some old ones and some hidden ones that have been able to come out of their cocoons and breathe their firsts, i have my own life which i dont think i ever had when i was in India. Even in India there were times when i was busy and dint have time to lack anything or think about anything but i dont think i had anything close to "My Own LIFE". Relationships are simpler here, actually everything is simpler here as there are no strings attached to your thoughts, it breathes free and is more healthy. I can feel how much of a more happier person i have become, enjoying each and every small thing that i experience, giving time for myself, keeping myself happy and also making sure that i dont hurt anyone when i am doing that. I feel i am using myself to the BEST extent as a person as an individual. But amidst all this i feel i have become so self dependent and so self indulgent that i am becoming an island! The island is all green and happy and full of life inside but is not attached to anyone or anything for any needs.

I have always read that Man is never an island but is always social and needs emotional and moral togetherness and that is why we build relationships. But after being here i can say Man sometimes does become an island and he doesnt even realise that he has become one. He is not sad about it, he enjoys his island life and is happy being one...but i am not sure for how long. Right now this random thought from a nerve in my brain just made me realise that i am enjoying my island life to the fullest and am happy about it. I guess i am happy as its more of a process of self discovery, sparing so much time for yourself you realise what YOU actually and really want in life, What YOUR expectations are for yourself. May be everyone should go thru this experience atleast once in life to discover themselves cuz i feel when we have too many things to think about and too many people to be taken care of and too many responsibilities to be undertaken, we just forget ourselves. We lose our own identity. Right now i dont care how long i stay one as i am happy being the island that i have become. :)

ITs Politics..

Does this happen to all?

May be it does and may be they know good ways of escaping out of IT. No matter how much ever dedicated you are to your work...getting trapped in some dirty politics from your client or parent company is inevitable. No matter how many levels you get promoted to...you still are so vulnerable to these dirty cobwebs...there is little you can do. As and when you gain experience in working with a client or technology, or with working with different kinds of managers you feel that you have enough experience to understand and handle all kinds of issues at work place...but unfortunately these dirty things never tend to cease. The managers always find issues which are beyond your imagination or control.

Almost everyone working in the IT industry will agree with me when i say that IT has its own set of dirty politics which will be difficult for many to comprehend. Just last week i was listening to a unique case from one of my friends. She is a manager and still she faces problems...if not from her higher authority but from people working under her. IT has its own set of shrewd rules and for dedicated and loyal people like you and me...its difficult and sometimes (actually most of the times) gets to your nerves! I was always aware of the difficulties of IT...and even if you could possibly earn a lot of money working in this industry...i just never wanted to be a part of it. I never pictured myself as a Software Engineer. i still remember the day when i had to go to the Satyam sholinganallur office for the first time...waiting at Madhya Kailash for a bus or share auto...i wasnt sure if this was the place i should be getting one...and i asked one of the guys standing there as i noticed him looking at me as i was asking each passing share auto if they go to sholinganallur...this guy approached me and was kind enough to tell me that i wont be getting sholinganallur autos here and i should wait at the crossing after tidel park...but this guy had guts enough to ask me which company i work for...i thought may be he is also from Satyam and i could get some info about some shuttle etc from Madhya Kailash...but that guy was from infy...and when i said Satyam he immediately asked...what do you work as...are you an HR!!?? After knowing that he was from Infy and not Satyam (and hence no scope of any help)...i really dint want to encourage any conversations with him...But left alone the conversation part... today when i think of that day all i can think of is: I wish i really was an HR...Life would have been much easier...if not easier...may be different...not that i am not happy with my work right now...but i just feel i am too vulnerable to nasty office politics...but then which department or branch doesnt have politics these days? Whether you become an HR or a manager or a CEO...you are vulnerable to politics of some kind or the other...of course the manner and extent of how it affects you will vary....but that doesnt mean it ceases to exist!

One of the things i very well can see coming is that i have to take a big decision for myself. When you see yourself trapped in useless and illogical issues which are not even distantly related to your work...you better start preparing yourself for a change. Since last few weeks the attitude and behaviour of my clients has been changing...it dint take too long for someone who was perfect in all her work to suddenly be challenged on technical issues! I was kinda startled when suddenly i was being accused unneccesarily for things which had nothing to do with me or my work! but it didnt take me long to understand that my time here should be getting over soon! Before they make me sink under the swamp of their dirty thoughts, its better i myself bid farewell to them. I hate this but i guess its not so difficult to master the IT world once you learn to understand and handle the inevitable scum. And still how much ever you learn to master this art...you still have lots left to explore and face!

Good Friday.

Good Friday, The day of Jesus' crucifixion. This is a special day for me for i reliase with all my heart that Jesus shed his pure blood on the cross for my sins on this day. On this Good friday i have only one prayer, that this world becomes a better place. Most of the problems i feel arise in today's world because people have become so selfish, they have such evil and selfish thoughts that they cannot think beyond themselves. If only Jesus couldnt think beyond himself on that day, you me and this whole world would not be a reality. If only Jesus had been selfish on that day, our existence wouldnt have been possible. If only GOD dint love this world so much to give up HIS only Son for our sins, we wouldnt have existed.

Lets pray for harmony in the name of our saviour, atleast on this blessed day.

The Passion Play

Maundy Thursday, the day before the crucifixion day! If i were in India i would have gone for a Maundy Thursday church service, but here having a service for Good Friday itself is a big thing. Coudnt have asked for Maundy Thursday! Anyways, i was happy that my pastor had arranged to take us for a Passion Play at a nearby city.

The play called "Life of Jesus" is performed every year for 3 days during the Holy Week. For me, having something other than the usual routine will be considered special...so even if i did not know anything about this play i was still feeling excited to be able to witness it. I dint have much expectations with the play and was just going for it because i dint want to do the usual routine activities on a long weekend! Especially since i had fasted religiously the whole lent season!

We had a good drive to reach the place where the play was being performed. It was in a college called Felician College in Lodi, NJ. After struggling to find Parking when we finally got down from the car i was kind of not very happy to see that we has reached a complete 1 hour late for the show! The show started at 8:00 PM and we reached only at 9:00 PM. Anyways we had informed one of the volunteers to keep 5 seats reserved for us...as soon as we reached the hall...i was like almost taken away to another age with what i saw on the stage! It was beyond amazing! The background looked perfect, the sounds looked perfect, the characters looked so real, the lighting was so natural...everything was like a dream...a biblical dream!

Anyways i thoroughly enjoyed the play...was my first ever play in US and i must say i had not witnessed such a good one in my life yet! I had seen movies about the crucifixion and had seen plays in India but whatever i saw here really gave me goosebumps. It was i felt so close to reality. I was really feeling as if i am witnessing the night Jesus was betrayed. After witnessing something so great, i couldnt help but think how cruel that real night would have been. I couldnt help but feel guilty how painful my sinful afflictions would have been for Christ my saviour!

Truth!

What actually is Truth?

Is that something that someone tells you to believe on and you do?

Or is that something that you read and know that it is true?

Or is that something that you see and believe?

Or is that something that you belive in through your inner self?

The dictionary defines Truth in many ways: --> Conformity with fact or reality.

--> Actuality or actual existence

--> An obvious or accepted fact

--> Agreement with a standard or original.

All of the above talk about the actual existence or reality etc. But is something that we see as reality always really true?

We might witness some event as it is happening in front of us without knowing what happened before or after that event which was related to that event. What we were witnessing might be true but may be not the whole truth. Or may be even what we saw was something that was made to look true but was not actually true. Conformity with fact or reality can only be as true as the fact is real.

Actuality or actual existence of something is again something that is not completely true. Like for example the existence of the Pyramid of Giza is true because we can see it today and it is something that has been there since ages. So the pyramid is truth but why the pyramid was built or who built it or whose body was preserved there or who stole the treasure of the pyramid is something that will always remain disputable.

Standard i believe is something that was agreed upon by a group of people and finally started to be accepted by more people. I dont know how reliable it is for an individual to agree upon something that was someone else's decision.

I still dont know all that i believe in is really true or not.

I still dont know what TRUTH really is!!