Musings From My Heart's Canvas...

I have been asked to sing a song in the church for the Good Friday Service on 2nd of April. Now this being Good Friday I want to sing a song related to the occassion and not mererly another worship song.
One of my church members, who is organising things for the Good Friday Service, confirmed with me this sunday, whether i will definitely come for the service and will also sing the song as he doesnt have any backups! When he asked me to confirm i dint have to think twice about it cuz I was sure that i will do it, as singing to praise and worship GOD is something i had always enjoyed doing even when i was just a small kid. Anyways while i was trying to think of songs related to Good Friday just one song immediately struck my mind. It was almost spontaneous as i dint have to spend time thinking about it. The song was Kroosil Kandein... i guess its a very old song. I was happy to have remembered that song as it had been one of my fave songs for a long time now. I went home after the church service this sunday and started searching for the lyrics of the song on Google. I believed that i would definitely find either the lyrics on Google or the video on Youtube. But unfortunately even after about an hour of searching i did not have any luck in Google or Youtube. Next day i.e yesterday i took a break from my work at office and searched again on google with some newer options, but again i couldnt find anything. I called up my dad to ask if he remembers any song like that and he sang a completely different song than the one i remembered. I corrected him saying that was not the song i was remembering and sang few lines from what i remembered the song to be like. He did not recognise the song and said he will try to search. I was almost having second thoughts on if the song exists...cuz these days if you dont find something on google...there is much of a possibility that it doesnt exist! But i was damn sure of hearing it and even learning to play it on my guitar...Just then i remembered that i heard the song from one of my Dad's good friends and must be there in some old cassette from that person. Dad said he will try searching and if he gets he will send me the lyrics.

Anyways, while i was struggling to find the lyrics of this song, i couldnt help but remember where i first heard the song...the days when i was learning to play the Guitar (cuz that is when i had learnt this song). Guitar was my only passion in those days. I just wanted to be able to play the guitar the way i have liked the sound of it. Any song with a piece of Guitar tune in it would draw my immediate attention those days...actually, even now! I could recognise how connected i was with the Guitar and its mesmerising sound. And when i was thinking of all this i just couldnt stop myself from thinking about my Guitar teacher, Mareena Didi. She was one person whom i remember, i had admired since i was just a small kid. When i first started admiring her i guess i would have been studying in the 1st grade. She used to sing songs in our church in Bhilai on almost all occassions including Christmas, NewYear etc etc. She had an almost angelic voice and used to play the Guitar like a dream. Though she had a dark complexion i used to feel that she was very pretty. I was a small girl back then and still used to adore her like an icon. I used to admire her for everything, for the way she used to talk, the way she used to dress up, the way she used to tie her hair, the way she used to sing and most importantly for the way she used to play the Guitar. I even remember my Sunday School teacher once teasing me saying you will do everything that Mareena does! Mareena Didi was ofcourse one of the most stylish girls of our church in those days and me being a small girl always was inclined towards style. I used to tell my parents that when i grow up i want to be like Mareena Didi. Finally i was out of Sunday school and i joined the church youth group. Mareena Didi was definitely a very active member of the youth group then, and i was happy to know that now onwards i would be singing with the same group. It was nice to interact with her during those youth meetings etc. Those were some really good days of my life in the Bhilai Church. Going for carols, singing during Christmas services and above everything having song practice everyday in the month of december (and even November). That was the most fun part of it all. There used to be a song competition for all the churches in Bhilai and some neighbouring areas. The event used to be organized by BCC (Bhilai Christian Council) and it was the most extravagant event for christians in that area. All churches used to wait and prepare themselves throughout the year for this chromatic celebration. Some 20-30 churches used to participate in the event presenting songs(solo, duet, group etc), skits, nativity skits etc etc. The event usually used to start about 2-3 weeks before christmas and would last for a week. We used to have so much fun in that one week cuz we used to meet up Christians from the whole of Bhilai. Our church won prizes almost every year in almost all category of songs...solo ofcourse Mareena Didi would win, duet she and her sister would win and group song also we would always get some or the other prize. Those were really good days of our church youth group...mostly becuz of the interest the members used to show in those days and especially becuz of all the motivation of people like Mareena Didi and my Dad who used to lead the church youth activities in those days. Mareena Didi got married after a few years and the church was without a good guitarist (and actually missed a very good singer also). Anyways after that also we had carols and Christmas songs etc but gradually people stopped taking interest in these activities. We could say that the youth was not as lively as it used to be when the previous gang (Majority of which was married now) used to lead the youth group. It was in those days that i told my dad that i would like to learn playing the Guitar. He agreed immediately but also said its not easy to learn it. He himself plays the organ in my church till today but i just never got interested in playing or learning the organ. I just wanted to learn the playing the Guitar. He took me to Mareena Didi and asked her if she would be able to teach me, and she was happy to help. I used to go to her house twice a week for learning to play the Guitar. Her husband also was a guitarist and even he used to teach me sometimes. She now had two kids and both were so really cute. I used to feel really happy spending that small time there and learn what i always admired so much. Actually there was one more reason becuz of which i enjoyed my Guitar classes so much...in those days it was my only resort to be away from my studies for a while. I used to practice religiously whatever i learnt in the class but it was taking way too much time for me to play anything clearly.
I used to struggle playing the chords clearly cuz i would give up very soon...playing chords on the Guitar usually would make your fingers pain alot as you had to press the strings hard with your fingers. The more you played the more you got used to the pain and gradually the pain will not be there anymore and only the sweet melody will remain. In those days after about 6-7 months of regular classes i finally was able to tune the guitar myself, identify chords for a song and actually identify and play interesting leads.

After that however i moved to Chennai for pursuing my engineering degree and lost complete touch of the Guitar. I couldnt meet Mareena Didi also cuz i hardly used to be in Bhilai for more than a week or so. I met Mareena Didi after about 4-5 years on my Wedding Reception in Bhilai. I was so happy and surprised to see her, i even told her "Didi aap aaye tho acha laga...maine tho expect hi nahi kiya tha ki aap aa paoge" . I was surprised to see her kids who have grown so much now. But i was more surprised to know that they still do remember me!! her elder daughter, i remember, used to be very happy when i used to go for guitar classes cuz she could see her mom playing the guitar. Or may be it was the only time that didi will not bother her kids and will be concentrating on teaching me.

Anyways, coming back to my song for the Good Friday Service, now since i remembered that this song was taught to me by Mareena Didi i told my dad if its possible for him to ask her about it. I called up my dad yesterday night and told him to ask Mareena Didi instead of searching for some old cassette (which i had told him earlier). Today when i called my dad, he was at Mareena Didi's house and said didi wants to talk to you...she spoke to me and even sang part of the song for me to remind me of the tune. I was surprised that she actually remembered the whole song by memory and wrote it down for me. She spoke to me for just about 2-3 minutes but i felt so good. Even while talking to her i could remember the good old days...almost everything from my sunday school days to the church youth group days to the days when i was learning the Guitar, everything just flashed in front of me as a series of rolling stills. The way she spoke to me about her daughters and said that they still remember me as the didi who used to learn guitar from her, took me right to those nice days. And when she sang the song on the phone, it was so nice to hear her voice after so many days. It just reconstructed all the images from the days when i used to admire her for all that she was. I still admire her as a teacher...as an icon. My Guitar teacher.