Thinking of my life here in US i sometimes find myself wondering that i have become a completely new person now. I am not the same old Pretty who left India an year ago to add weightage to her resume by gaining work experience outside India. I still remember i used to be alone in India also, i used to go places alone even then but i was not so much of an independent individual as i am now i think. I always needed someone with me atleast to support me emotionally to listen to me whom i could call friend. Life in US is so much different than in India. Though the work hours are lesser here and i dont have to slog till late in the night at office, but still time is just not enough to do everything. Even friendship here is different, is difficult to find someone who would love you for what you are and be your shoulder to lean upon. I guess here the mantra that rules the people's lives is that Dont do anything without being paid for. May be if i attended some university here things would have been different, but finding some good friend at work place is kind of very difficult here. No one does favours on anyone without any reason. These kind of things are good in one way because you learn to grow healthy and limited relationships and in turn grow more self dependant. But in another way it kind of promotes distance in relationships. I've always experienced that some amount of distance should always be maintained in all relationships including friendship to make it healthy and breathable. But when the distance increases it makes the bond of the relationship weaker. There has to be some bond in every relationship that holds it together well. Relationships in US are so different atleast to the extent that i have seen they are much different in India. Here you cant go and expect someone to do things for you unconditionally unless they are your immediate relatives. I guess sometimes even blood related people dont do stuff for their relatives unless they gain something out of it. I know i cannot generalise things or relationships like this but just wondering how much change has infused inside of me without my knowledge.
I love my life here, i am so self dependent that i do not think i lack anything in life even when i have been staying away from family for months now, i have my own "Keep myself Busy" activities, i have my own hobbies some new ones some old ones and some hidden ones that have been able to come out of their cocoons and breathe their firsts, i have my own life which i dont think i ever had when i was in India. Even in India there were times when i was busy and dint have time to lack anything or think about anything but i dont think i had anything close to "My Own LIFE". Relationships are simpler here, actually everything is simpler here as there are no strings attached to your thoughts, it breathes free and is more healthy. I can feel how much of a more happier person i have become, enjoying each and every small thing that i experience, giving time for myself, keeping myself happy and also making sure that i dont hurt anyone when i am doing that. I feel i am using myself to the BEST extent as a person as an individual. But amidst all this i feel i have become so self dependent and so self indulgent that i am becoming an island! The island is all green and happy and full of life inside but is not attached to anyone or anything for any needs.
I have always read that Man is never an island but is always social and needs emotional and moral togetherness and that is why we build relationships. But after being here i can say Man sometimes does become an island and he doesnt even realise that he has become one. He is not sad about it, he enjoys his island life and is happy being one...but i am not sure for how long. Right now this random thought from a nerve in my brain just made me realise that i am enjoying my island life to the fullest and am happy about it. I guess i am happy as its more of a process of self discovery, sparing so much time for yourself you realise what YOU actually and really want in life, What YOUR expectations are for yourself. May be everyone should go thru this experience atleast once in life to discover themselves cuz i feel when we have too many things to think about and too many people to be taken care of and too many responsibilities to be undertaken, we just forget ourselves. We lose our own identity. Right now i dont care how long i stay one as i am happy being the island that i have become. :)
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