Musings From My Heart's Canvas...

I have finished the first 30 days of my married life...though its quite a happy thing...and i am happy about it also...but i really dont feel as excited as i had always anticipated it to be!! i cant believe it that i dint even stay for a whole one month with my husband...out of the 30 days...i stayed only for about 18 days with him. That was way too less time together...and with Valentine's Day over the weekend...i just dont feel happy :(
I never imagined myself as what i am now...i used to tell all my friends that i will leave my job as soon as i get married and have a long long honeymoon...i will wear a new saree everyday...i will cook new dishes everyday...go to new movies on all weekends...etc etc...i had a catalogue in my mind that was just going on getting appended right from the day i thought about marriage! i dont even remember when i started imagining my marriage...right from the days when i was a small girl...i had imagined what kind of a man i would marry...what kind of a dress i would wear...what kind of a cake i would cut for the reception...what all and what not!! And today when i see myself...i cant help but be sad that i am not with him even before a month got over! Is it someone's mistake or was it jus meant to be this way? whatever be it...i know one things for sure...its not easy for me...and i know no one understands what i mean cuz everyone...including my own mom never left her husband!! if i stayed with him a lifetime and was now away for a while i would have still not been this sad...but i hardly spent any time at all...whatever time was there...was almost stolen completely by relatives, rituals, etc etc
So many thoughts hit me whenever i think about my few days with him...but all i can say is...whatever it was...it was just not ENOUGH...
I wish i could be wherever he is now!! i miss him...very very much!!