Motherland!!

It looked like a quiet serene night in Chennai on the 2nd of June 2010 when my flight from Brussels was preparing to land at the Kamaraj Airport in Meenambakkam. I was sitting on a window seat and peeped out to see the land i had left about a year ago to go to a country that had attracted so many people from my motherland. I couldnt believe that i was sad, i was almost in tears! i couldnt believe that i was actually missing a country that never belonged to me! What so big had happened that i was not happy even to be back in my own homeland? Life in the US of A had been the BEST experience of my life till date. Be it in meeting people, meeting cultures, learning about different aspects of life, becoming more technically sound etc etc. I have had some of the bestest experiences of my life in that country and i just cant forget any single day that i spend in that blessed land. One year ago when i was leaving India i was sad thinking i am going to a new country where i dont know anyone and i am going to be so alone. But even though the first few months were really tough for me in that country, it still has taught me stuff that i bet i would never have been able to learn being in India. New York! New York i guess is the BEST place on earth. New Yorkers are believed to be arrogant city people but even then i couldnt stop myself from admiring them for all that they were. One year in that blessed country gave me a sense of kind of hatred for Indians for the kind of people they are and teh kind of mentality that they carry. I am not claiming it to be a very healthy attitude that i might have developed but still people in US are some of the best people i have seen in my life till now.

I did miss my family initially but this amazing country has the capacity to make you strong and independent no matter who you are or where you come from or what your state of mind is/was! I had written in my previous post also that life for me in US was not a piece of dessert, but the way this country moulded me into the kind of a strong person that i have become today, couches awe even in me. I learnt a very important lesson in my life, which i might have heard a million times before but never experienced personally. Nothing in this life is so BIG to matter more than YOU yourself! Ya if i was the romantic emotional and sentimental sweet little girl that i once used to be, i would have definitely said that when you are in Love, your love matters even more than yourself! But now today i can clearly say that nothing is so big or important that it has to matter more than yourself to you! Nothing or no one is so much important that you cant live without, time and life throw a mysterious play to make you live for yourself and only yourself. Once you discover this one truth you know you have learnt the true meaning of freedom of being free from all shackles. USA definitely is a free country, cuz it gave me a sense of freedom that i never experienced being in my own homeland. I started loving myself so much that nothing else mattered anymore! Sometimes i used to wonder have i become selfish, has my identity changed, have i lost what i had in me as a person!? May be i have, i still dont have answers to these questions but i know it was jus meant to be this way. I miss my other self sometimes, the naive girl i once used to be, but more than that, being back in India i miss my freedom.

India no doubt is my homeland my motherland, but somehow the dirty things in here have started showing up as something too prominent now. The dirty politics, the corruption at each and every step of life, the dirty minds of people, the dirty crimes, the people who cannot mind their own businesses but have to poke their noses into every other person's life, the stupid policies of the government which is just a play of politics where politicians play their games only for their own good and not one thing for the betterment of the public, etc etc etc. I tried but just couldnt find one reason to be happy to be back in my homeland, though i wanted to be.

The Six Flags Adventure!

I am a record holder of riding in the tallest and fastest Roller Coaster on Earth. Yess "Kingda Ka", a Steel roller coaster at the Six Flags adventure park in Jackson, NJ is the Tallest and fastest roller coaster known on earth with a height of 456 Feet and a 90 degree drop of 418 Feet at a speed of 128 mph!! The ride catapults you to a 456 Feet height by reaching a speed of 128 mph from 0 mph in just 3.5 seconds! When i first saw the green tower of the kingda Ka even before entering inside the park, i was so sure i will not be doing this one, but with the long long queue of people waiting to get a ride on this one made me jus too elated to miss this one. The park opens at 10:30 in the morning but i was so excited about the rides that me and my friend reached at 10:00 am itself. Couldnt wait to start our adventure at the Six Flags. We started with a mild ride to warm us up. The ride is called the "Parachute" and it was a mild one with a free fall kind of feeling from a height of about 25 storeys. Was overwhelmed a little to be on such a great height and nothing to hold on to cuz all other rides have a protection in front of you but the parachute just had a flat chair with a wooden plate to be fastened near the belly. Anyways the start was a good warm up to get me all excited for more rides. Next we ventured the "Superman: Ultimate Flight" which is one of a kind ride. It makes you lie face down and soar head first through a twisted steel track, diving into highly banked curves, spirals and jaw-dropping pretzel shaped inverted loops. It made us wait almost 30 mins to get into the ride but the ride was worth the wait. Next we headed to "The Great American Scream Machine" and as the name suggests all you do sitting on this one is scream. It though rated as one of the extreme rides in the park was one of the worst rides for me. It had some very fast and steep curves which are sure to give your neck a major pain or worse even a cramp. It looks impressive with an elevation of nearly 18 storeys, seven monstrous loops, one corkscrew and two boomerang loops. But ultimately after riding so many amazing rides in SF, Jackson, atleast i wouldnt rate it as a recommended one!! Next we headed for the Kingda Ka i guess...and the wait was worth every penny. Next we headed for the El Torro...the ultimate in wooden roller coasters i guess. When i saw this one i was kinda scared as it had steep drops and had nothing in the front to protect you...and this being a wooden ride i was not very sure if i really was ready for a risk like that!! I kept on asking my friend if they will stop it if i get a nervous breakdown in the middle of the ride... :) We waited to fill in the first row as it looked like a pretty thrilling ride..and must say hats off to the ride!! It was one heck of a ride...while the Kingda Ka gets over in like a fraction of a minute...this one is a long one with some really terrifying drops and twists! Another ride that i absolutely thoroughly enjoyed at SF. Next i guess we needed a break from all the screaming and were really on the lookout for some decent food! We grabbed some pizza, coke and fries...and were relaxing watching passers by...was fun! After all the hogging i was like so hungry for more rides but i guess no one else wanted to join me!! We still made it to the Bizzarro which was one of the most soothing rides of the day for me.. :) And then we headed to return as the wind was like really wild and it was too dusty at SF. There were pollens flying in every direction and there was an irritating kind of allergy on the wind i guess. On the way out, i tried my luck at almost all the toy games...none of which proved lucky for me...i just lost it like with a half a point difference!! Before coming out i tried the twister...which was again one more of an extreme ride...and again something that i enjoyed much! Grabbed some nice collectibles before getting out of the park. I was just happy thinking how much of a good day i have spent. And if this was not enough...we even stopped by at the Jackson outlets to shop for branded stuff.....i am a definite shopoholic!! I loved the SF experience so much...am sure am gonna miss all this once i am out of US. There were a few rides like the nitro and the Batman ride, which i missed and would love to have the SF experience with all the rides possible...it was damn damn good day!! Am so so gonna miss all this!!

Conversations with Yourself!

Have you ever found yourself sitting helplessly tensed about some issue in Work place, Personal Life or in the life of a loved one? Guess thats something very common, all of us at some point in life do fall trap to some or the other kind of tensions or worries even if we employ fool proof methods to wade off the same. In those times you will always have conversations going on in your mind. Sometimes conscious, while some other times completely unconscious. Your mind tries to analyze the situation, and give answers to your doubts.

I have been pretty tensed and confused about things at office lately and i really dont know which way to proceed or even if i chose a way i dont know how to be sure why to chose that particular way! There literally are battles in the mind and they sometimes bring out different emotions on the outside. I ask myself a question and then satisfy myself with an answer. And then my mind analyses why i chose to answer it that way and tries to find out if theres a better way to answer the same. That inturn gives rise to another answer and again another question and its answer and so on. I did an interesting thing today since i was so tired of thinking and thinking. Instead of letting the conversations in my mind go on, i just jotted down the thoughts as and when they appeared (with whatever answers my mind was making out). I dont say doing so gave me some kind of solution to my confusions but atleast having written it down, gave a kind of clarity to my thoughts. Some strange kind of satisfaction of finding answers to questions that keep arising in mind whenever my mind is at a constant thought process.

Questions in life dont always find the correct answer, actually there is no correct answer to so many questions that our mind comes up with, but still we go on. Even if we make some wrong decisions life just goes on to complete its destined journey. Having conversations with ourselves is as inevitable as Life and Death, but how we deal with it is what makes the big difference. As long as our life exists, our mind tends to continue its work and as long as it does that the conversation in our minds will never cease to exist. Let our conversations with ourselves do something Good for us.

Each Day

Each new day starts with new desires new dreams and new ambitions. May be it does for everyone or may be it doesnt.


Talking to a friend yesterday a very basic topic sparked the conversation. Everyone wants to be Happy! So very true, Everyone just wants to be HAPPY. Is that so difficult? Is that something so very complicated to attain? I feel its not difficult to achieve Happiness, its just difficult to keep oneself satiated with the feeling of happiness. If i think of my days in New York, I have been staying away from the love of my life for a year now. I dont have close friends here whom i can jus go to and pour out my worries or pains. I dont have family members who can take care of me if i fall sick or am in need of any help. My company doesnt pay me a fortune to lead a luxurious life here. I dont have the BEST working environments and am so surrounded by office politics that i feel vulnerable to breakdown and lose. I am not even so very accustomed to this country that i can jus go places on my own. My brother stays in the same country but i havent been able to visit his place more than once in the last 1 year!! Life in a nutshell hasnt given me the optimum environment to be happy and enjoy a good life here. But still, i cant think of a single day when i had been extremely unhappy or depressed being here! Its jus that one learns to make the best of what is given to him/her. And when you learn that, you spontaneously learn to ask for more from life as well. Once you start enjoying your present circumstances, you think of ways to make it the best possible, to fill it with all the BEST things that you can afford at that stage! It is easy to just always be unhappy and longing for something or the other. But at the same time it is just as easy, to be satiated with whatever we have and enjoy it to the fullest. In our pursuit for making our lives better, for achieving the maximum of everything, We forget to enjoy the BEST of the present. Many will say that if we dont make attempts to make our lives better, others will be ahead of us and we will be left behind. The competition will eat us and not let us be happy! May be thats true as well, as i see people these days their race for being better and ahead of others starts much earlier than even the minute the first ray from the Sun hits the ground. Life is no doubt about the survival of the fittest, but at the same time it is all about being happy and enjoying all that has been bestowed on us.

I once heard it somewhere that the easiest thing to do in life is "To give advice to others". I am no one to give advice to anyone but am hoping that the few who ever get to read my post might know that i went thru quite much of experiences in my life and have learnt some bit about it. Life aint so complicated as we make it or think about it. Life aint about winning everytime cuz everything has its time. Life aint about planning so much about the things which are beyond our control cuz everything falls in place when we let HIM lead it for us. Life is just about living every moment every breath that has been given to us. Life is a blessing and we just have to Live.

Change!!

Change: One inevitable reality of Life and of everything surrounding Life. Still we refuse to accept it with ease.

Its just too difficult to comply with the reality even if i write a thesis about how real Change is! I know and i have written how change is one thing that never changes, but why is it sometimes so difficult to accept it? I know nothing is forever, everything good or bad has to change! It is just too difficult to endorse it with an embracing heart and mind!!

Total Surrender

In Brida i read a very interesting quote..."What is outside is harder to change than what is inside". When i read this quote while reading the book, i felt how true it is. How much we struggle if we have to change our appearances or the personalities which we are to the outside world! And today i read in my daily morning devotional something that says: "A Christian life is one which is totally surrendered to HIM". Now this feels as something that i have always been instructed to follow as a true Christian! Somethings which are easier to comprehend theoretically are usually very difficult to be accomplished in practical life! We easily and effortlessly believe on the ever guiding almighty and place each and every aspect of our lives in his presence. We all believe that finally things will work out fine cuz its HIS plan and nothing happens against HIS will. We give authority over our entire lives to the Almighty without having an iota of doubt in our minds. And when it comes to changing our lifestyles or changing our appearances, we grumble so much!

All i feel is that when the inside is already surrendered to the most powerful, HE will definitely make the outside also to change as per HIS will. We just gotto accept it and be happy with HIS guiding!

Although I may not understand

The path You’ve laid for me,

Complete surrender to Your will—

Lord, this my prayer shall be.

I Love NY!!

True to say that this city has LIFE in it!!
Yess New York is, i guess the BEST place i have seen on earth till now! This city has so much life in itself that it will urge you to be alive with itself and forget every care in the world. I always get a "Happy" feeling whenever i am in NY. The moment you enter this city you start feeling good, happy and excited. It carries a spirit along with it and i guess no one, who has been a part of this place, can deny that. I cant remember a single day when i landed in some street in midtown or downtown and didnt feel good or happy being there. Theres one more thing that i have noticed in my last one year of stay here, and that is the New Yorker attitude! Ya New Yorkers are believed to be arrogant and "Not so Warm" people in the whole of US, but i somehow never had a problem with that. I met sweet people and so did i meet a "I don give a Damn" attitude people, and trust me i have been able to learn from both. I can reflect that most of the days if i was feeling down or was sad and not in high spirits, this place still made me lift up my spirits and be not only normal but forget my pains! Whatever be the thoughts and worries in your mind, the moment you step into the city, you just forget every care and be one with the pace of the city. This city just never stops!! And that is what it teaches everyone here, just dont stop for anything in your life...Go on with it cuz life goes on...doesnt stop for anything or anyone! Might sound selfish to some people but for someone like me who has been very people oriented person in my life, it has taught to be strong no matter what ever mess your life might be in! It has taught me the "I dont give a Damn" attitude towards life, cuz i have learnt that whatever good or bad is destined to happen will happen no matter what, all i can do is do my part and jus leave the rest to the higher authority in Heaven. This city has always made me feel so complete, made me forget any deep mess that i might be in and be confident and completely prepared to face the day cuz life just doesnt stop for any mess. You dont care whatever is happening or is going to happen, you dont care what people are thinking, you dont care about any mess, all you know is that you have to do your part and that is it! Thats the New Yorker Attitude.

This city just makes me forget myself and walk confidently with the zillions in the crowd so i become one with the spirit of the city. I dont have any other words for this most amazing city in the world, which is so full of life that it will just never let your spirits die at all.

I love NY.