From Blues to the Greens...

From BLUES to the GREENS...

I am a part of an IT company that has recently undergone a split of its managements and is now going to function as two separate entities. While the logo of my old united company was a shade of blue the logo for the new spilt part to which I belong is GREEN. We have all been invited to attend a full day event for being ordained as employees of the new company. I was going thru the agenda for the DAY 1 with a dreary look on my face, when one of my friends at work very excitedly remarked c'mon u should be excited about it now that you are moving to a GREENer logo atleast! While he only made that remark on a lighter note, but it suddenly struck me how easy it is to find the GREEN in every BLUE that comes our way. While there are talks of layoffs and restructuring everywhere, I can’t deny I have been myself worried abt it at a stage but then I realize every BLUE in life has a shade of GREEN to it.

This thought has very spontaneously fascinated my attention to its relation to every aspect of life. Life is never just Green Green and Green...it has shades of every hue every spice in it. Its easy to see the GREENER grass on the other side of every situation and neglect the Green hue which is hiding in the very present situation. I choose to see that Green in every situation in my life...I choose to live my life happy...I wanna see positive in everything that I am going thru. I have made a pact to myself to always stay happy...no matter what...cuz I believe only happiness draws happiness. It’s not what’s happening around you that makes u happy, it’s actually whats happening within. Cuz if I wanna stay happy at all times I can't be focusing on what is around me...those things that surround me will keep changing, people keep changing, relationships keep changing...circumstances keep changing, times keep changing, climate keeps changing...but I have to remain happy...I have to never cease from finding that GREEN hue in everything...cuz that will keep the GREEN mindset within me growing and glowing forever. Sometimes it jus seems impossible to find that green hue in everything...Life very well may seem completely unfair...but I have come to realize there is a little bit of Green in everything. I was just telling my friend Green is in fact a colour of success...of prosperity...Now I am actually looking forward to being a part of the new company.

 

It’s very easy to find the Blue hue in everything in life and just sit down defeated and empty...broken and mirthless with each passing day...but it’s just as coinciding to find that Green hue in everything...to find our own hue of happiness in every hue of life...after all it’s only a few shades away...we only have to change our vantage point.

 

 

Fading like an ECHO!!

I have been having these interesting conversations with one of my good friends since last few days and somehow even though I had ceased thinking deeply about certain things, now I find myself lost in thoughts I used to have ONCE UPON A TIME!  :)

I know as life progresses we find ourselves leaning adrift to its flow more than ours and then one day beyond the boundaries of our cognizance we discover that we have CHANGED! I have thought and written about CHANGE in some of my previous posts as well and I have always been floating in a ocean of merged thoughts, sometimes feeling I have found answers to what I was curious about while some other times being more confused than before I started! CHANGE is one thing that's constant. how ironical! And yet how true!

We make choices in life, sometimes for ourselves, sometimes for the ones we love and some other times for the ones who define our identity, and our life is just composed of these decisions. Small decisions, big decisions, important decisions, casual decisions...all sorts of decisions. while majority of these decisions we make deliberating a secure present or future, sometimes we are compelled  to take the unfavorable step, completely acquainted of the peril of our plunge. And in every case we are shaping our lives to take its unique direction whose steering we feel we own! and do we really own it? Are we absolutely neglecting the one truth that whatever decision/choice/might/luck we create we can never ever create "LIFE" the Life Giving BREATH! our lives are so not ours! I heard a rebellious line few years ago which said "Don't take Life too seriously, No one comes out of it ALIVE!". while once upon a time this very sentence significantly dominated every decision I made, as time has passed and as I have had kids and the stations in my life have changed I have, beyond the boundaries of my cognizance lost the intimacy with that line. My conversations with you dear friend have brought me in close proximity to the wayward reality of life! We don't own it, we don't create it we just live becuz this world is nothing but a station! cuz in the end it will all be fine! Some rapper aptly said "Life's a BI#$%, and then you die." not knowing that GOD has already answered this for you even before you figure it all out: " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him" Romans 8:28.

Meanings!

And you thought you knew it all!? No my dear one!!
Today i filled out a form for Mishu's kindie! Not an official form or stuff with formal things...it was a form that i would hold close to my heart for a very long time! Mishu started his kindie a couple of weeks back, and during the transition period, he would want mummy or dadda to sit with him in the same room. The moment we leave he would start crying...cuz he can't really rely on anyone there in that room. He has not developed the trust with anyone there yet...the kind of trust that he has on us.


My little one is learning fast to speak his words, to be able to express himself cuz he is holding so many emotions inside of himself which he wants us to understand...ohh how I wish u would know mum's heart...mum understands ur words even when you don't speak them! My lil darling...mum's heart is the saddest when she has to leave you alone there, she understands ur emotions without any of those words you are trying to speak up, she knows what you are holding inside ur heart, she knows and sees each and every tear you want to shed when you see her walk out of that room but hold so tightly inside of urself. I love you too much my dear one...I know its hard for you but its harder for me my love.
Sitting here on my desk, tears have just been adamant to stop from flowing down my eyes when I am typing each and every of ur half words that you are speaking these days to express urself.!! This is a list of the words that you speak when you want to express urself and might still not make much sense to others but I know how deeps each one's meaning is and how important it is for you that others understand each of it. That's why mum is writing down each of your words so that everyone understands you better and you start feeling warmer without having to search for mum's understanding nod!
I love you sweetheart...you are my life!
Mum knows each of these words mean the world to you right now and for me you will be my world always.  :)

One String (Happily) Attached :)

Were there days when i craved for a life with no strings attached!? Hell yes! Smile. :) And was there really even a s ingle day that you lived a life without any strings!!?? Definitely NO!!

From whatever I can remember, I always used to wonder when will I ever live MY life! when I was young I used to feel suffocated that I have to do everything that my parents tell me to. Study well, eat well, drink milk everyday, sleep well, no playing after dark, no movies, no tv, no cartoons no....the list was endless! I used to feel deprived of everything I WANTED TO do...everything I would have LOVED TO do!! I wanted to get wet in the rain, wanted to watch movies in theater every weekend, wanted to wear short skirts, wanted to play till after dark, wanted to grow my hair longer, wanted to try makeup or be fashionable! jus too many desires that never breathed out of my own self in those days.
When I grew and started working and could afford to fulfill the desires that had long been buried inside of me, did I really find them prevail anymore!? All those desires did not even matter anymore, some even seemed silly... while most of it had been uprooted by the harsh realities that I had learnt while growing up at least some fortunate few still breathed with a desire to get fulfilled one day! And all this great time lapse had given the dawning to many new ones, which now made more sense to me. But I could only sit and laugh at the satire of life for the new identity I was now was as helpless as the old one even though the desires were a completely different set now. While one lives their whole lives trying to fulfill each one of their desires, to imagine and realize just how many strings actually pull those ones down was amazing! And that I guess is the fun in life. Else everyone's life would just be the same. How you handle and take over each of those strings makes all the difference I guess.
Now, when I feel I have lived at least half of my life, while I have played at least half of the roles I could possibly in this life, I feel I haven't seen any living being without any strings attached to their lives! Everyone's life is coherent at the basic levels...may be Divine Almighty's mysterious way of apportioning equality in HIS Kingdom! Though how we handle or mis-handle our strings is what makes our lives better or worse.
After many years of the forgotten bliss of listening to mushy songs on radio while retiring to sleep on the bed, I somehow wanted to rekindle it some while ago. After becoming a mom, in a very spontaneous way my very own identity has changed. There is no joy even comparable to the joy of seeing a part of you outside your own body, playing, laughing, crying...living a life outside of you! And it wouldn't even let you realize what that moment was when you stopped living for yourself, even thinking for yourself...this small being who is surviving outside of you is all you care about, is all you live for!! All the desires i spoke about in the beginning of this post somehow automatically take the backseat. I did not even realize my own existence until its for the only soul who hugs and cuddles himself in my arms to feel comfortable. While i am happy that i am just as important to him as he is to me...even though i might not care for my own existence...this small one does and that somehow keeps me connected to my real self at some alignment. So after many days or precisely years, i wanted to listen to some music to relax myself before i dozed off to sleep without even realizing that the radio was still ON on my phone and the earphones still plugged IN to my ears! While the music still relaxed me, and still took me on fantasy voyages with my thoughts traversing beyond my imagination...something was different!! it didn't feel the same as it used to...a couple of years ago! my thoughts constantly kept coming back to the little adorable soul lying next to me! my instants telling me that there's more comfort and relaxation in just hugging that cute thing next to you than even listening to the most comforting music ever! And that is when i realized...i am not ever gonna have this life pass without having my child in my thoughts or actions. I love my son to the extent i cant define in words, and this cute string in my life is the one that is the best thing that happened to me. My life is never gonna be the same without him...and i know this one is always gonna prevail unlike the other desires which fled! My sweet son...mumma is never gonna another moment in her life without having you in her thoughts   :)
YOU are the one string that is HAPPILY attached to my life !!

My lil Cricket Star!!

The Cricket world cup fever is definitely ON and for someone who claims to be a cricket champion, anything and everything is related to CRICKET!! :)
My sweet hubby who is a vital player of his company's cricket team...definitely wouldnt keep his baby out of the cricket madness. As the baby kicks and is active through out the day, i keep pestering hubby dear to feel the baby's movements. He seems quite impressed by what all the lil one can do inside. He has actually cobbled up his own stories about all that the baby might be doing inside and i cant deny how cute it sounds! So one of these days we were having a late lunch at a restaurant and the hubby was hurrying up to get back home to watch the ever interesting match between India and Endland. The baby usually gets quite active whenever i eat and starts moving around and kicking to make more space as if trying to tell me "Momma dont eat so much, i have no space!". I just cant stop smiling when it kicks! Its the cutest thing i have experienced in my life. So while we were still having lunch the baby wakes up and starts doing its usual kicking and moving around routine. I got all excited to feel the baby's kicks and my immediate reaction was to ask my hubby to feel my lil one's accomplishments. And the hubby's stimulus was to narrate another one of his amusing stories about the baby's world.
So the hubby started by saying: "What you are getting so excited as if you dint know baby is playing in the World Cup!". I was still laughing at his humor when he said, "Baby is playing a crucial match today. It would have hit a six thats why its celebrating by throwing its hands up!!".
Me: And how does the baby have a ball and a bat!?
Hubby: Oww please...its my baby...it doesnt need all that to play. It plays with all that it has! It plays its own matches all by itself. It bowls, and then it runs back to hit, and then it takes all catches by itself!
Me: Isnt it like the vodafone 3G guy?
Hubby: What you are comparing my baby to that 3G guy (though he is cute too) but my baby is jus too extraordinaire!! :)
Me: Cool...i am just happy with the fact that my cute one kicks and keeps talking to me in its own cute ways! The feeling is just matchless!

The one Yr Journey!

The Last one Yr!
I don’t know where to start cuz so many different iamges of different hues flash in front of me when I start thinking about the last eventful year in my life! The post, of course I started writing to mark the completion of one yr of my wedded life, but there were more changes in life than just the title of being a wife to someone. So lemme start from where my memories privilege me :)

When my spinster days were on the verge of getting over, I still dint come to the realization that a big change was gonna happen in my life. Since I had spoken to my fiance for quite a while, I just dint see any big change coming my way cuz I thought I already knew all that was ever there to know. But as they say you might never know the person even after having spent a lifetime with him/her under the same roof :) I dunno how much that is true but ya the art of actually "Knowing" your husband definitely takes time!! You can never be sure that you know "Everything" about someone cuz you have spoken to each other for long or spent time with each other or etc etc.

And marriage definitely brings a multitude of changes in the way u even think about issues in life. People always say that one is constantly learning thru out his/her life. We all cant deny that we all learn from our past experiences, be it with friendships, work mates, work life, life away from family etc etc. And wenever we look back at all the memories we sometimes laugh thinking how silly we were and sometime feel proud thinking how much we have grown and matured thru it all! It happens to everyone and as i am trying to turn the pages of this most recent and first year of my married life...i have varied memories. I dint really imagine before marriage that i would have to live away from my husband for even one day! During my spinster days i was clear in my thinking and knew what i wanted and what i needed to do. But as soon as you are married there are strings attached to even your thoughts. When before marriage i thought living away from husband was not even in the book of thoughts...it actually came to happen to me. And though not very happy about it...i still ended up staying away from hubby for more than 4 months. Those were the MOST difficult days of my life! I really dont even want to remember those days. I had stayed away from family quite sometime of my life but staying away from husband was one of the toughest things i had to put up with in my life! There were of course practical reasons for taking that decision but i am so happy that those days are over. And that brings me to the FIRST lesson i learnt in the last year. NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON TAKE A DECISION OF STAYING AWAY FROM SPOUSE EVEN IF THE REASONS MIGHT SOUND VERY PRACTICAL AND VERY WORKABLE!

Hmm..so finally after all the distance and time..when we actually started living together, it was like my long awaited dream come true! I had always been homely in my outlook and wanted very simple things from my marriage. The only accomplishment i wanted from my marriage was to make my husband dear HAPPY no matter what. But though that sounds very simple and easy, its not that easy a job to accomplish. To make someone truly happy you've gotto really understand that person and then only can you know what makes him/her happy or sad or angry or excited etc etc. And this journey of understanding definitely takes time :) And i must say, even if you are completely aware of what can annoy or irritate a person, it definitely takes a lot of patience...NOT to do that same thing!!! :) Aww c'mon the wife is also a human and has her own likes and dislikes and opinions and issues...and when sometimes she does lose her patient nerve...its only fair!! :) It has been an interesting journey to know and understand my husband...and even if i cant really claim that i know him completely but atleast i am happy that the journey is still ON and going great!! :)

Friends and Chats: While i was a spinster there were very few topics of interest that we spoke to almost all the friends. Most of the friendships i made came easy in those days...project mates...class mates...hostel/PG mates...Blogger friends etc etc. Every other person we met ended up in the friend list on orkut or facebook...and that was fun. Parents ofcourse were always worried about marriage matters but all that mattered to me and my friends was...have fun "At the MOMENT". Life was easy and FUN! Not that life is not FUN anymore...but that was a different phase and this is a different phase. Most of the chats i used to have with friends were driven with the same effort...of understanding the opposite sex!! While it was great to know that someone in your team had a crush on you...sometimes it just didnt matter. The things that mattered in those days were so different than the things that metter now. While the effort still remains the same...understanding the opposite sex...it shrinks to understanding just one person...your spouse. Just yesterday while talking to one of the friends over phone we were reminding each other of what we used to speak before marriage and what we speak now...while the topics have changed...the older subjects of discussion kind of seem silly and funy in some sense. How much we have changed or matured over time...and still theres so much more yet to come! And while theres so much more yet to come...i am happy and excited to share each and every of it with my husband dear! I guess the first step in starting to enjoy marriage is to start a lifelong friendship with your spouse...it doesnt start easy like it used to before marriage...and it does take a lot of effort and understanding. But most important of all...it takes a lot of trust. Trust builds up in time...and am hoping that this first year of my marriage has brought me one step closer to conquering my husband's trust!

I have had a wonderful first year...with some experiences that every married woman has had...and some which very few have had...and am happy to have gone thru whatever i had to...am so happy to be married to my husband...and to spend my lifetime with him...to share my dreams and to be a part of his dreams...to slowly understand him step by step...to start loving him more and more with each passing day...this one year journey hopefuly brings me one step closer to conquering my destination...to become his "Better Half" :)

And now i kick!!

"Did mom tell you about the weird but cute things she has been feeling lately!?"
Thats my lil one talking for me! :) isnt that so adorable!! :)
Ya i have lately been feeling these weird kind of things in my tummy...first i thought its "The Usual" as pregnancy itself does so much to you and your belly! But then its quite persistent and i cant help smiling everytime i feel it! Its almost 10 days since i started feelin them and i am sure its not one of the pregnancy sickness etc. It feels like small water balloons are bursting inside of my tummy and these keep bursting for quite sometime...and then they stop. I cant feel anything outside, if i keep my hands on my belly but yes i definitely have felt my baby's first kicks :)
And everytime i feel it...its like the lil one is tryin to tell me something in its own cute and small ways! Its jus too adorable and so full of awe! My lil one communicating to me as if reminding me every 3-4 hrs of the day..."Mama i'm here...i'm here for u...i love u!" :)

I have a brain!

I've been thinking of consolidating some thoughts that i've been hearing too much these days - courtesy- Of course my husband!


Topic 1: Do Baby's think when their bodies are still developing while their brain is almost fully developed!? AKA the First Trimester!!


Hubby: Of course they think, they have a fully developed brain after all and we think with our brains only na!?


Me: Ya, but we have things to think about. What can they have to think about at all? We have so many issues now, when we were small we never used to think about anything so much. We think only when we have things to worry or think about right?


Hubby: What do u know what all they worry about! They will be talking to the angels now. The angels will be teaching them everything!


(At this i was a little stunned, but somehow i continued the discussions.)


Me: Ok fine if the angels are teaching them stuff. What actually can be the stuff they can be learning inside the uterus now!!??


Hubby: See the baby will be thinking about its daily life! What a boring life i have...i get up and see the same things, same fluid. How boring can life get...and thats all it will sleep. Then again it feels hungry and gets up! Now it thinks about its boring mom! What man, this mom doesnt even know that i get hungry and i need food! Why cant she eat something good and make me happy? Same tablets and same food she eats. And just when i am about to like something she goes and throws up everything outside! She needs some real brains! GOD please make her strong enough not to throw up things that are supposed to reach me please!


Me: Thats adorable. I will try to eat more now.


Hubby: See the baby doesnt even know if its day or night. Poor thing jus keeps waiting for food to reach to itself.


Me: OK OK don try to blackmail me too much. I am already very emotional these days!

Hubby: We think so much about the perfect house that we will build etc etc! How many bedrooms we will have, what kind of a living room and with what kind of furnishings, how many sitout areas, what kind of kitchen etc etc! Poor thing baby cant afford to even imagine all that now. It just has the same place to do everything it can...same place where it eats, sits, sleeps,...jus everything!! It doesnt even have light there to see anything...
.......
......
And my husband's thoughts about what the baby thinks and does inside of me is unending!! :)
i can just sit and adore how cute it is when i hear such things and how impressive GOD's greatness is to have planned everything for the life inside of a mother!!

REMINISCING THE YEARS GONE BY!

When you are revisiting the yellow pages of your life...it usually means that you are missing the days gone by too much may be becuz of the mundane life of today or becuz you are hurt too much by your present and long for the days gone by...or it can mean that you had a ball of a time in your past and wish it never ended...or may be in some cases it just simply means that you are BORED....cuz you have absolutely nothing to do!!! :)

Well in my case it simply means i have loads of time on my hands and its been long long long since i have been this idle!! And thats exactly the reason why i do not know what to do with so much time on my hands! Last 2 yrs of my life i feel had given me so much to handle and be engaged with that i had no time to sit back and think of what was happening or what wasnt. Work life had been busy and if it wasnt then there was much happening on the personal front to keep me engaged, and if nothing was keeping me busy at work or personal life i had invented ways to keep myself fully utilized. I was myself doing things as an attempt to make myself a better person making the best of my time and energy. Last few days i had been revisiting my older blog and my older posts...or old mails...or old song playlists! And all of it has given me an insight on what i was in those days and what i am now! All of it reminds me how much i have learnt in the last few years and how much i have changed and grown or matured. I would not list out...not one of my past experiences as something to regret. I have had an amazing spectrum of events which have finally moulded me to what i am now. i am not boasting myself who has/knows everything in life but i know that sometime in my life there have been experiences that everyone doesnt have, and some which everyone has...and i have learnt and grown thru everything.

They dont make them this good anymore!!

Reminiscent of the songs i grew up with!! Even now when they make a new album every other day...when a new artist or a new band emerges out of nowhere....nothing compares to the effect each song used to have when they really were songs! Most of the songs that i hear these days are rather abusive loads...about sex and drugs and about things i cannot feel or enjoy!! One of my friends at work once asked me why pretty keeps listening to all the mushy songs and keeps being in her own fairyland!! He suggested that i rather should listen to eminem, 50 Cents and some artists i cant even recall names of!! He said they make the real stuff...the mushy songs you listen to just make you long for a kind of love that doesnt even exist in the world anymore while these rap songs give the real picture of the love scene in the world right now!!! Jus rap your way and be happy...don think anything jus be happy!!! I was amazed that how come he was able to enjoy and love something that i cudnt even comprehend to being true! Was i really "OLD" for the real youngsters!!?? Why was i not able to forget enjoy even understand what one can enjoy in those stupid abusive loads!!


Today i was listening to all my fave songs from the past! Singers like Celine Dion, Richard Marx, Toni Braxton, Mariah Carey, Bryan Adams and some other old faves, they really made songs that could change your mood or your state of mind or actually give you relaxation. Gone are the days when music used to be a means to take your mind away from the present and make you time travel! It is not so that i dont like any of the songs of the present day but its difficult for me to "FEEL" any emotions listening to any of the songs these days. While i do like some songs by Rihanna, Lady GaGa, Eminem and others like Bad Romance, Rude Boy, Love the way you lie etc etc. but somehow these are the kind of songs that would not count on my list of all time faves. Its easy to listen enjoy and then forget these songs. While songs like Without you, Hero - Mariah Carey, In the Late of the night, Unbreak My heart, How could and Angel break my heart - Toni Braxton, Because you loved me, Its all coming back to me - Celine Dion, Everything i Do, Please forgive me, Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams, Until i find you again, Endless Summer Nights, Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx etc etc etc become something so special that you just cant write them off your minds and hearts. Even if the music industry is more advanced these days than ever and even if there are more platforms and chances for singers to come out and show off their talents...i must say...They dont make them this good anymore!

The Endhiran Effect!!

I still remember about 3 yrs back when i was in Chennai i was like at the zenith of boredom! Ya thats right i was bored!!! The reason being there was not one multiplex in Chennai playing anything... but...Sivaji!!!! OMG why does that rajnikanth guy have so much of a craze!!!!???? i personally do not see anything great in his acting skills...i mean i have watched bits and pieces of some of his movies and in almost all movies i feel he just wants to be procliamed and worshipped like a GOD!!! He wants people to worship him...he'll create an image like he is the saviour of the population and he is so great and bla bla...i just never liked any of his movies. I could just not find anything so appealing in the story or acting skills or look and feel of his movies that would persuade me to watch atleast ONE of his movies!

This year its the Endhiran effect. I would not say it is as mad as i remember the Sivaji one...but ya i can see that people are still crazy for nothing! My dear husband being a good deal of rajini fan...wanted to watch the movie ASAP!! Poor guy dint have anyone better to accompany him than his ever rajini critical wife: ME! I anyways decided to mellow down my demeanor towards the superstar and watch the movie as i would any other movie that i liked. End of the day: I would not say it was a bad movie but please i would not say it was the greatest movie i ever watched. Aishwarya anyways is not in my good books when it comes to her acting skills...she is just simply tooo made up! Theres nothing that she does on screen which would look natural or appealing to me! And this movie was like a double dose of "TOO MUCH" for me with 2 of a kind! :) But the movie was interesting to some bit but in my books it will just be counted as another tamil movie that i watched!

PS: No delinquency to any of the Rajini fans...its just that i cannot like him ever! :)

Emotional Atyachar Season 2

Was just wondering if anyone has seen this one :)


I happened to watch it last week and was amazed to see how India has advanced and to what extent things have gone in this "Cultured" country! I was never a supporter of things when some people used to say that India is a land of culture and we must protect it. I always felt that India is a land of Hypocrites where everyone does everything that they "claim" is taboo and accuse as being some rotten influence of the "West". Indians i always felt were the most non genuine people i have seen. I havent roamed the whole world but atleast among all the people that i have met and observed, i have found indians to be least genuine and most double faced! While in college i studied in a completely conservative college and people there used to really turn me mad! Everyone will talk as if they dont even talk to the opposite sex and consider such things as taboo!! For me friends were friends...it dint matter if it was a guy or a girl and if i ever were in a relationship i was not gonna lie about it! but after studying in a closed cultured place like that...even my basics were shaken! Those people will talk as if they are the purest breed of humans with no blemish in their characters and if a girl ever had a boyfrnd or vice versa it was considered a Huge Blot on his/her character!! I cant believe most of them who spoke big things about character and culture have had love marriages now! Thats what i hated in my class mates...none of them seemed like a genuine person who will talk and do the same things! And thats what i hate among indians as such...they talk something and do something completely opposite! If only whatever the indians do in private comes out in public some day i am sure even US of A will awe at what indians can do!! I am not a person who hates Indians...its just that i hate hypocrites and i hate people who cant talk what they really do!!

Anyways...so watching this season of Emotional Atyachar i was amazed but also happy at the same time cuz i felt atleast this will help some kind of hypocricy to go away. India has a long way to go if it has to ever become strong as US or UK but atleast there are some channels like Bindass which speak the real thing. Its kind of heart breaking to see that more than 95% of the cases in EA2 are cases where girls suspect their spouse/boy frnd/fiance' and hardly any cases of girls being untrue. But even more heart breaking is to see how detestable guys and their ways can be!! Atleast 99.9% of the cases where the girl has suspected her guy, he has failed. Sometimes it is easy to see that the girl is innocent and just a brainless beauty, but some other times it is hard to watch a 8-10 yr emotional relationship break. Sometimes it is even funny to watch the guy being axed to the nerve! As of now it is one of my faves on TV and i am enjoying it thoroughly! Atleast the poor girls who become so emotionally attached to their partners in a relationship that they are ready to give away everything for it...have a platform to authenticate their relationships. I know everyone agrees that TRUST is THE most important thing in a relationship and there should not be a space for any kind of breach or authentication! But c'mon the people in that relationship should also know how to keep up that Trust. Its not one person's responsibility to keep the trust on the other and also maintain that trust on him/her self. Until we come to a world where relationships become pure and amaranthine...lets just watch EA and spill out the beans of our thoughts :)

9/11

Its 9/11 and i cant stop myself from remembering the same day last year when i was able to witness the commemoration of the dreadful day 9 years ago which took the lives of so many innocent and highly skilled people. My office was located at the 14th floor of the 1st tower of the World Financial Center and the view of ground zero was absolutely clear from the window next to my cubicle. It was a busy rainy day in New York and my office had announced free breakfast and lunch to all employees as the traffic was going to be heavy owing to the visitors of the 9/11 site. I can clearly remember the large amount of people i spotted in and around my office building right from as early as 8:00 am in the morning. Usually while walking towards my office i would be crossing the World Trade Center Tower 7, the World Financial Center Tower 2 & 3 on one side and Ground Zero on the other and all these building being open to tourists, were always hustling with numerous photo enthusiasts with their SLRs or just people from other countries with maps of NYC in their hands and gaping with awe at Ground Zero and the posters bounding it. But on that particular day i couldnt escape noticing numerous numerous people not with SLRs and Maps but with flowers in their hands, with pictures of their loved ones who became ashes with the WTC, with rosary in their hands and never ending prayers on their lips, with eyes still searching for hidden embers or some signs of their loved ones...with may be never diminishing hope that one day some of their loved one will come alive from the ashes. It was a pathetic scene and i prayed that atleast some of those people's pains should get washed away with the rain in the hustle bustle of New York City that day. But i guess its not so easy that you pray and the next moment the pain ceases to exist...and i couldnt escape seeing how much pain and longing was present in the eyes and hearts of everyone present there. Even with the downpour refusing to halt for a single moment, not even a single person lost his patience but waited eagerly for his/her chance to get to the podium and offer their prayers for their departed ones...or may be touch the same place where their loved ones lost their lives. I cannot imagine what pain or loss they go thru each and every day of their lives...having lost a part of their lives to ashes, but seeing just their patience on a rainy day like that made me get a shiver within myself. It is very easy to sit on our confortable lazy boy recliners and watch news channel...but when we are in a place where the news is actually happening...its nothing less than experiencing a shock treatment in itself. 9/11 was a huge shock treatment for the whole world but it was more than just a shock for the ones who were affected...but even more than them the real victims are the ones who have been left behind...who have nothing else left but their ever searching eyes, their ever longing hearts and their ever hoping thoughts.

Yesterday...Today...Forever

Do you remember what the fashion scene was when you had first started noticing the world around you? Could you imagine what was the "HEP" or the "IN" thing in the year when you were born? ok leave fashion...the kind of fashion freak that i am may be i cant think of little more practical things.. :) Lets talk about the school curriculum...can you imagine what the curriculum would have been when your parents were in school!!?? Ya many of us might be parents already...and lets compare what we learnt and what our children are learning today. what our children study at school these days is not even close to being similar to what we learnt!! Ok Lets think of something more popular...TV!? Do you remember the first tv serials that you saw as kids... which made you so glued to your tv screens that your mom had to scream to make you switch it off and finish your homeworks!? i still remember how i was so careful in finishing my homework just becuz i dint want to miss my fave tv serial..."Malgudi Days" or how i used to be glued to watching "Tenali Raman" or "The Jungle Book"...so many sweet thoughts come to my mind when i think of my first faves on TV. But when you just start even thinking about TV in these days...you dont know which channel to start with...there are so many channels and so many options. TV has changed from just a simple mode of entertainment to being a big part of our day to day life. If we actually think about some aspects in life...small things in life like brushing your teeth to the bigger things like taking an international holiday...almost everything has changed with time. Some things which we could not have imagined in the days that we were born are somethings which have become so very common these days. We have seen globalisation affect so many aspects of our lives that i doubt if there is anything which has remained the same since the time we were born. Can you think of one thing which has not changed since the time we remember? While watching GOD TV recently, i happened to watch an ad about the way ministry work has progressed since all these years. I couldnt help but gape in awe at how matchless HIS awesomeness is! He has been the same yesterday, today and will be forever. There is no change in the BIBLE, in the way the various pastors and reverends have been working on spreading HIS word and the GOSPEL remains the same yesterday today and forever. Its really awesome to know how things have changed in and around us in so many years but HIS word just remains the same. Being a Christian it gives me so much happiness to know that i have put my life and trust in an everlasting and living GOD who is the same yesterday today and will be forever and ever!!

Right Vs Right!!

Havent we always been taught that there are always only 2 solutions to any and every question in the world? One Right and the other Wrong!!?? Well that is how i have been judging every question in life till now! For me everything is either right or wrong, i have never been able to judge anything as anything in between the right or the wrong. Viewing everything as a simple play of black or white is what i have practiced...i have never been able to view world as a shade of grey. It is usually hard for me to think that there can be more to judging situations in life. If there was something that was not right...it was always wrong for me. Recently while taking one of the mandatory trainings for Accenture new joinees i learnt about the right vs right situation. The whole training talks about how diplomatic resources have to be to survive in the corporate world and one of the most important aspect which rules diplomacy is not judging every situation as having a right vs wrong solution. We are constantly learning something or the other in this world and being someone involved in the IT industry i guess we learn pretty more volume of things at a faster rate. When i was leaving HCL i thought i have had alot of experiences both inside India as well as outside India and was well versed to face the IT world. But i guess theres a vast ocean waiting to be conquered and thats so vast in myriad directions that its not easy to conquer it with just a 5 yr experience here...i am here for more time now and am just hoping that i learn enough to survive the right way. :)

Resigning HCL!!

Traversing in the grand ocean of IT, we often have to take decisions which might not be the ones which make us very comfortable, but we have feeble chances of escaping them. Going thru the exit process @ hcl i never really did realise that it will ever come true that i am out of HCL. Since the time i came back from US and had put my papers with this company, i just felt the whole exit process to be more of a struggle rather than an official process. First when i was still giving resigning HCL second thoughts owing to the L1 visa that i was holding, i did not get any positive response from the HCL team. When i asked them if they could provide me a transfer to Bangalore they said no there are no projects available and we cannot transfer you there without any projects. Then when i asked them if they could provide me some UK project as i was interested in Onsite and wanted to be in a UK based project as my husband keeps travelling to UK, they said no right now we dont have any openings! After trying almost everything possible on my hands i put down my papers. Even then when i wanted to exit sooner by buying out the notice period they simply denied saying its out of policies now. I wrote numerous mails to managers i did not even know, explaining my situation to them but they just never responded. Finally after the long 2 month wait of the notice period when i came back to Chennai for my final formalities, they wanted to retain me!!?? The HRs woke up from their deep sleep just then as if the numerous calls i had made through out my notice period were non existant. The exit HR asked me one day before my LWD (Last Working Day) what actually my problem was and what the HR team could do to retain me!! I explained them why i had insisted on a transfer to Bangalore so much and why i had asked for UK based projects etc etc. Finally the HR was not ready to sign the no dues, rather she told me to meet her the next day and she said she can definitely provide me something promising by the end of the day. She asked me to give her a call by evening. I was kind of happy but i had made up my mind on joining Accenture which had already offered me a better CTC package and a job in Bangalore. But still i was expectant of something good coming up. Next day (which was my LWD) the HR said that they have a long term role coming up for UK and they can definitely refer me for that given the good feedback i had from my previous managers. They also said that i would have to wait for abt a month for that oppurtunity to come my way! But by then my bitter end of endurance had already shown up and i just decided to get my No Dues signed and collect my Resignation Acceptance Letter that day.

I couldnt believe i was actually sad at leaving HCL. It was a simple organization with some really stringent and unproffessional people i have seen in my life. But somehow workwise i was never lagging when i was with HCL. I always had challenging work and best of all...it gave me my one year in NY which was the BEST part of my proffessional carreer. Even while waiting in the montieth Rd Office which was the same office where i had attended an induction 2.5 yrs back, i somehow felt the comfort level which i am not sure if i will ever feel in Accenture. I knew a lot of people in HCL and somehow i was quite popular as well and i liked that feeling of being Ms. Popular! I liked the simple work environment where all people were bothered about was work!! It was boring when i was working there as the glamour quotient of the work place was way below zero and there was all work and no fun! But somehow me and some like minded teammates had found ways to find our own fun and relaxation times even in that busy and demanding work schedules. I cant believe i am saying this but i really wish i can relive my times in HCL. I am definitely gonna miss this one!

The DESI Hollywood movie!!

Has anyone heard of or watched an old movie called "The American Ninja". While flipping channels recently on the tv i got hooked to watching this movie and couldnt help but laugh at myself for having watched this one!! It felt like i was watching an old rajnikant or danny denzongpa movie.. :)
May be this one would have been a hit when it was released but watching something so meagre from hollywood was not very convincing for me. Right from the plot of the movie to the very way the cast depicted the scenes, everything was like a hindi movie dubbed in english!! Theres not much to write about the movie as such...might have been a very old one!! Googling about the movie gave me the info that the movie was released way back in 1985, but is it really so earthly for a 1985 movie!? I still cant digest something of "THIS" level from Hollywood. Having spent a good one year in the US and watching some real spectacular stuff, i still cant believe that the movie was a Hollywood Hit ever!!

Pretty Woman

Richard Gere and Julia Roberts...i guess one of the on screen couples i have raved the most. They just seem to have such great chemistry that you dont feel its a fictional story you are watching on screen, rather they make it feel like a real one you are witnessing in front of you. I Love Julia Roberts for the way she flaunts her skills easily and naturally on screen...and Richard Gere is one of the few actors in hollywood whom i consider HOT. I love watching this couple on screen. Pretty Woman is one movie i have never been able to watch completely but always caught glimpses here and there. I was happy to watch it on Star yesternight but again unfortunately i watched only the last half of it. One sweet movie with a strange storyline but some sweet moments. I love the way Vivian (Julia) effortlessly puts her Knight fairytale in front of Edward (Richard) cuz while every girl has some or the other fairytale about her prince charming she just spends the most of her life trying to convince herself that fairytales never happen in real life. I feel this part as a sweet one where she snuggles herself upto a sleeping Edward and thinks deeply about how much she likes this guy she is cuddling upto and finally says I Love You. I like alot of scenes from the movie and especially like this one where Vivian is ready to leave him and carries all the dresses she had bought in the last couple of days and though she doesnt want to leave she just says give me my money i am leaving. The way Edward just throws the money on the bed and doesnt even look back at her and the way she walks out of the door. This scene is a typical example of how a woman and man in a relationship, even though they are fond of each other, are just not ready to give up their ego. This is exactly the same thing that sometimes intensifies and corrodes alot of relationships. The way Vivian just looks at the money and doesnt even think of picking it i feel shows the true nature of how much a woman wants to be felt wanted even when she knows she is wanted. I cant stop myself from humming Bryan Adam's few lines... When you love a Woman, you tell her that she is really wanted. When you love a woman you tell her that she is the one. Cuz she needs somebody to tell her taht its gonna last forever.
Pretty Woman is one sweet movie with some sweet moments and some really touching ones. I will always rave Richard and Julia on screen, they make an awesome pair.

Tu hi To Meri Dost Hai...

Do i miss my stay in US of A so much? O yess definitely theres not just a single day that passes without me thinking about how much i miss my routine in US, how much i miss the chill in the air, how much i miss the calm roads, how much i miss the ever greeting people or how much i miss even the feeling of opening my eyes in the morning in a free and happy nation...in USA. Even the feeling is different.

My last month in US was predominantly engaged in meeting up friends i never took time to meet when i was happy with my daily busy routine! I had fun catching up on some of the fun that i had been missing in my busy life! The world seemed to be like a BIIG pot full of friendship and happiness. I was sad that i was leaving US but then i was just happy that i had been part of such a beautiful and lively place! There was not one weekend that i sat at home doing "NOTHING"!! I was just strangely happy about everything happening around me, the warm yet cool breeze of the spring, the spirit of seeing everything before i left NY, the long To Do lists which never got over even when i was sitting on my flight back to India, i was just too happy untill i was at the airport and realised that i was not gonna go back to that life again! All i could do was hug my brother and cry...i couldnt believe i was crying so loud to leave a country where no one was mine!! The last one year that i spent in US was THE BEST days of my life i guess! Each and every day that i spent there would count to a million drops of happiness, and even the harsh of the hardships that i struggled tehre would not even count to a dime. I love it so so much.

I still hum that song which i used to sing oh so often in US. And even humming that song gives me a kind of soothing feeling inside of me. Aaja main hawaon pe bitha ke le chalun, Tu hi tho meri Dost hai...Aaja main khalaon mein uthake le chalun, Tu hi tho meri Dost hai!!

Half a Decade!!

20th day of June, 2005. One of the most memorable days of my Life!! This was the blessed day when i joined the IT industry through an elite company called Satyam Computer Services. Turning back the pages of the calender takes me back to that happy day when i was taking my first steps to enter a new world, the real practical world. It meant a change in my lifestyle, in my priorities, in my understanding of the issues in life and most importantly in my mindset.



As i flip through the yellow bruised pages of my memory book, i can just not neglect the fact how elated i was on that day! I was starting a new life, a new change in everything i guess. I can never forget how excited i was, it felt as if i could have challenged the whole world for anything. The whole 10 hour long induction at the CC (Convention Center) of STC (Satyam Technology Center) i guess gave me a new confidence in myself. Something i had almost lost staying in Sathyabama for 4 years i guess!! I was so proud of myself. Little did i know at that time what all challenges the IT life was gonna throw at me since that blessed day! the whole 90 day ELTP program at STC was like an extended picnic. Making new friends, learning new stuff, experiencing things in life which i hadnt in my college days cuz now i had the money to do it, I was on the road to becoming independent and more mature and i was really enjoying it. After the ELTP program got over, it was the usual race for getting into a good project for a good client etc etc. Though i managed to get a good project i was not very happy with going back to Chennai for the project. I was excited as i was gonna work for MARS chocolates!! My project days in MARS were again a joy ride of new things and new experiences. After working on VAX/VMS i was working on .NET for Pedigree. I dint mind whetever i was working on cuz i was absolutely enjoying being part of real projects and learning new things. The whole 2.8 yrs that i spent in Satyam was a memorable one and even on the last day when i was writing the goodbye mail i just couldnt call it a reality! I was sad at leaving Satyam but quite as much excited at my new experiences in my new company HCL. After joining HCL though i did not have any excitement left as there was no time for that!! I had a boring induction compared to the exciting one at Satyam. I was greeted by boring HRs compared to the smart and stylish ones at Satyam. I came to know some of the most stupid policies of HCL which were actually understood basics in Satyam!! Anyways i dont have much to complain about my work in HCL cuz i was never "FREE" in HCL. I had an amazing learning experience as much as technology is concerned cuz i was always learning something new! And most importantly HCL gave me my blessed 1 year at US, which i am really happy about!! I have put my papers with HCL and am waiting for them to approve the same so that i can join my new company which i am really excited about! The whole 2.3 years in HCL have taught me alot more about my work than what i learnt in Satyam and i am happy about it. I guess hcl has made me more experienced and mature both technology wise and also in a way to deal with people at professional front!

When i was graduating from my college as a Computer Science Engineer, i hated being called a software engineer, and i never imagined i would survive in this industry for anything more than a couple of years! I tried everything possible to come out of it. I wanted to write a GRE, i wrote GMAT and scored well enough to get admits from 3-4 good univs in the US, i wrote CAT and scored decent enough to secure interview calls from some decent enough colleges if not the IIMs...i posted my resume for non technical positions whenever possible...i just did everything possible in the last 5 years only to realise that whatever has to happen will happen no matter what you do or what you dont do!! When i think of my 5 years struggle thru IT industry, i cant say i am unhappy now...but i can definitely say that it has taught me grave realities of the REAL world which i doubt if i would have learnt being somewhere else. I can stil not say that i love my work, but right now i think i know my work! I dont know how work or life will be in my new company, but i am happy that i am atleast excited to face it. I have given half a decade of my life to this industry and gained thru it, and i am sure i am prepared to face it for a longer time now!!